Second verse.. same as the first. I feel the days all bleed together. I've read a lot of near death experiences (NDE) where people describe a place of peace directly after their event (horrible accident, botched surgery, drowning, etc...) when they can see their body and then they are surrounded by darkness and it is peaceful. I've reflected on these NDE stories and I suppose I hope that what is written is true. Prior to my wife's departure she was in some turmoil and felt ostracized by her family because of events that occurred in her life. Events very few in her family supported her through. The one comfort I have is you cannot hide things from God. I reflect on the scripture of Isaiah 2: 19, 21 where people will attempt to hide themselves when the Lord comes again. I think that regardless if the Lord makes his 2nd coming or the good Lord calls you home your probation is over. The time of judgement will commence. People who seek to look good in the eyes of the crowd to justify their actions are only fooling themselves. There was a sermon given by Neil A. Maxwell in which he says
If you feel that one day every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is the Lord, why not do so now? For in the coming of that collective confession it will mean much less to kneel down when it is no longer possible to stand up!he also stated that
However, Joshua didn’t say choose you next year whom you will serve; he spoke of “this day,” while there is still daylight and before the darkness becomes more and more normal.
For those that wish to read the entire sermon, I encourage you to. It is one that I hold close to my heart. In all this reflection I think on Jan's turmoil and how she felt. The thought that she is at peace is comforting. I also reflected on the fact that she honestly wished for healing for all. Especially those at fault. She had forgiven and sought healing for all. She grew a lot through this event and I suppose I should learn from her to apply the same principles in my own life.
8:25 am -
After reading this entry it is a little out of character for me. I don't know if it describes how I feel other than I saw Jan struggle with being isolated. She felt she was alone standing for truth. I take comfort that she is no longer alone and hope that I can apply the same principles of forgiveness in my own life. Like most hard things in life it is easier said than done. Those who walk this path have my respect. To quote my mom "Talk is cheap". That quote is something that I believe Jan held close. So, the talk from Neil A. Maxwell is as much for me as anyone else. To get off the fence and be a better person. I value that council. It is tough to swallow but nobody said life is easy.
7:26 pm -
I have my kids at church activities tonight. It is not odd being here as I took over as Mr. Mom while my wife was pregnant. I enjoy taking them and enjoying time either sitting in the car with a book or like today I'm in the foyer with my laptop. Before my wife passed I would take my son with me and he and I would make believe we were in a spaceship flying around the solar system. We had all types of adventures and built many fond memories. Tonight my son is with grandma. I don't know how it will be for my girls as this is the first time back for activities since my wife's passing. I told them where I was so if they felt weird at all they could come to me and we could leave.
