6:42 am -
Claire is having gas pains again. I think we are just getting the feeding thing down to what works for her. Emma is reading gobs of Shakespeare plays and it is fun discussing them with her. When I asked about what she likes about Shakespeare's plays she says "he has a lot of tangled up plots and it makes reading it fun".
10:12 pm -
Today was another tough day. Lots of emotions. I expressed the word endure to someone today like the ice cube experiment I had during our birthing class when I had to squeeze an ice cube and Jan had to comfort me without removing the ice cube. I also said after Jan's death endurance is like a treadmill set at a constant pace that is manageable. You cannot get off and the treadmill backs up to the grand canyon. People can cheer you on but cannot do it for you. I can and do get support from others as they cheer me on but ultimately I must have the inward drive to continue forward or I will die. Endurance really is telling yourself to go forward but with every part of you telling (or screaming at) yourself to give up. I have a new appreciation for those that have endured hard times in life. This process will probably make me stronger and it still sucks. My kids give me strength and that is worth everything to me.
