31 December 2021 (7 years, 11 days after The Day)

 So today I took Madilyn and Ammon to see Spiderman - No Way Home.  We left about an hour early due to the snow and bad road conditions.  We got there early.  It was in one of these new theaters with seats that are like recliners.  It was a good show.  There were some scenes that triggered some tough memories - in that there is a scene when someone dies and it was very hard to watch.  After the movie we stopped by the UPS store to return some stuff I got on Amazon that didn't work but they had already closed for the day.  We then went by the grocery store and picked up some food for dinner.  I'm sure all the kids will be seeing in the new year.  I am going to be finishing up my course online prior to orientation on Monday so yay for me.

Speaking of the course online.  I am very disappointed.  Remember back in the 80s when there were slide projectors that the teacher would use that would show a picture of a dinosaur or something and then the teacher would play the tape that went with the slide or they just used it as a lecture point?  Well - that is what this course is like.  Instead of using modern technology they throw up formulas that you really need someone to walk you through to ensure you get it but they gloss over why the formula is setup the way it is.  It also doesn't help that the dialog for the formulas sounds like it is coming from this guy.

When the dust settles I find myself supplementing the instruction with YouTube videos from the Organic Chemistry Tutor.  They are very good and an A+ to this guy to put these together.  So far, the formula is:

course content + YouTube = Cognition

So - I am off to study.

  

26 December 2021 (7 years, 6 days after The Day)

 So, I realize you all may have been a bit disappointed that I didn't write anything on the 20th or 22nd.  Honestly, I have worked to put this out of my mind.  It is a constant reminder and it is painful.  I am glad that we were able to celebrate Claire's 7th birthday.  It was an intimate gathering with me, Samantha, Samantha's parents, and the other kids.  I had a couple of times that I relived that experience in my mind.  It has the same potency now as it did then.  Because of that, I strive to not dwell on those feelings.  It also is difficult to explain to those who have not lost a spouse because we didn't leave on bad terms.  I have met my fair share of people who have divorced their spouse and there is real pain and hurt that goes along with that parting because it is done on bad terms where the trust between husband and wife has been violated to the core.  It is different when a spouse leaves and you are on good terms. In a way it is like a part of you dies with them.  So, although I am remarried and on the surface it may appear like I have "moved on" in reality there is a part of me still sitting on the floor of the ICU in disbelief that Jan is gone.  In a way I feel that the "old Rob" is the one on the floor of the ICU and the "new Rob" is the one that emerged from that moment.  Jan was married to me but I honestly feel different now since I have gone through everything and I wonder what our future conversations will be like.  Samantha went through her own challenge with the passing of her husband and it is through that grief that we have connected.  Even though Jan and Samantha have known me during different parts of my life I am amazed at how each of them genuinely accepts me for who I am and strives to help me be my best.  I am eternally grateful for them both.  Love truly does heal all wounds.

We traveled down to Saint George, UT for Christmas to get out of the snow.  We traveled down during heavy winds.  Most were an indirect headwind which had me constantly correcting the van as I drove.  I was glad to finally arrive.  We rented an Airbnb and had a good bonding moment with all the kids.  We played games and really had a good time.  Hayes and I had a good time too.  He really likes me and it just makes me smile when I see that little guy running up to me with his hands in the air for me to pick him up.  We got a chance to visit with both Emma and Alex and it was so good to see them even if it was virtually.

We traveled back today.  After unloading the car, getting kids fed, getting Claire off to bed, and finally able to sit and write this blog I feel like I am able to breathe again.  I have to finish up an online Harvard course I started a couple of weeks ago.  I need to finish it this next week.  It is a recap of my stats class I took in college.  I am prepping for the first week at Purdue and suffice it to say there is a lot of prep work before the classes even begin.  Anyway - this next week = me studying.

So, we have a week before the new year.  It is crazy to think it will be 2022.  That seems like a normal phrase to say before the beginning of every new year.

Until Later - 

1 December 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 12 days after The Day)

Today was somewhat of a normal and repetitive day.  Last night I took a couple of Tylenol PM and was out.  This morning I struggled to wake up.  I was able to get some rest but not waking up is so weird for me.  I am such an early bird that me having to force myself out of bed was odd.  It took a solid hour for me to feel like I could function.  I am also battling an illness so that doesn't help.  

I am a bit intimidated by my classmates.  All of them have serious education or serious business background.  I am learning a bit about drive from Lance Armstrong.  He said something once that always resonated with me.  He said that when he raced he raced against himself.  I have always thought that self improvement is all that matters when learning or doing anything.  Lance just said it in a way that resonated with me.

In July we got Ammon a typewriter.  He is fascinated with them.  For me, they remind me of high school projects where I had to type out some essay and not make any mistakes.  For him it is just a neat thing.  Anyway - this typewriter we got him broke and we got online looking for another used one.  Samantha found one and we were able to get it for a reasonable price.  It is nearly the same model as the one that broke. It is funny how he has taken to that silly thing.  I recall being fascinated by old technology my grandparents had.  They had a hand crank record player which I was always fascinated by, but never heard it play.

It is funny how memories work.  I can go all day without thinking of something but a smell, taste, sound, touch, or sight of something can take you back like you were just there.  If I think about it I can remember the smell the barn at my grandparents.  It is funny how memories like that pack so much emotion.  The smell of baking bread makes me remember my grandmother.  While I can remember all these things it seems my memories of Jan fade.  I think that is what is painful.  The pain isn't with the fact that you forgot it is with the fact that you know you forgot. I enjoy hearing stories that people share of Jan.  It helps keep some of those memories alive.

We had a coffee table growing up that was wooden and would creek if pushed on.  I recall the sound of my bike tires on the pavement as I was riding as a kid.  Memories are weird... when one is triggered it brings with it a host of other memories.  This can be both good and bad.

Well - I'm off to bed.  Until later - 

30 November 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 11 days after The Day)

 So - this day began at 1:30am.  I found myself unable to sleep.  I believe all this started in college.  After Jan died it got worse.  My mind is going 100 mph and doesn't stop so when I wake just a little I find myself wide awake.  I seriously do what I can to keep my eyes shut and never under any circumstances look at my phone.  Well - this morning I got up to go to the restroom and the light apparently woke me enough to where I was laying in bed for a long time and sleep was gone.  It was as if I awoke from a nap and my body expected me to jump up and start the day.  While I attempted to sleep my mind was racing on every conceivable thing.  I thought about work that needed to be done at our home.  I thought of work problems.  I thought of potential solutions to problems at work that haven't been discussed yet.  I thought of how to solve budget challenges both at home and work.  I thought of all the things I am grateful for.  I thought and thought to the point where sleep was beyond my eyes.  I reached for my phone knowing that once I turned it on it was the end.  I turned it on, responded to a few emails, did my normal checking of things, and found myself wondering what to do since it was 2am.  I must have stayed in bed in the dark for about 3 hours and finally just got up and went into the living room.  I watched the movie The Terminal and now I am blogging.  The crazy thing is by 10am I will probably want a nap.  This is so frustrating.

27 November 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 8 days after The Day)

 Today seems to be the winding down of Thanksgiving.  Everyone is into their schedules and the thought of Thanksgiving seems to be a distant memory.  Yesterday ended on a note of frustration on a personal matter and I wanted to sleep it off and wake up refreshed.  Instead I awoke with the same frustration.  I think times like that seem to tell me it is an issue relating to me and me alone.  Perhaps I am having difficulty coming to peace with certain aspects. 

Changing subjects - As I look at all of my kids and their growing up I wonder if I did enough as a parent.  I suppose that is every parents fear is to be less than what their child needs.  I realize when the dust settles that they will have to be the captain of their own boat.  As the last lines of the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley stated:

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

It is in that vein of thinking that I realize that regardless of the challenges endured by me or my children they will be the one who is the captain of their boat.  I just pray that I have given them enough guidance.

25 November 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 6 days after The Day)

 Happy Thanksgiving!  

So there is something about the smells in the house during the holidays.  This year, Samantha is not cooking a turkey as we are gathering at her sisters home who is cooking one.  Samantha is; however, cooking rolls.  Oh the smell of baking bread.  It is so nice.  Emma and Spencer are here with Hayes and he runs to me.  He is so so so cute.  We danced in the kitchen to Christmas songs.  Emma Weaver and her new companion on her mission did a virtual missionary lesson with us and it was nice to not only see her but also think of how many things we have to be thankful for. 

I came downstairs from a afternoon nap and found the kids had put up the Christmas tree.  Since I am not one for Christmas this was nice that it was done.  We opted for a pre-lit artificial tree last year and it has made Christmas preparations so much easier.  We don't have the smell of the tree though.  Oh well.

More later - 

10:34pm

Supper was good.  It was a very good gathering.  Samantha's sister has a chocolate lab that is very docile and made the rounds trying to get a bite of food from whomever would share.  We talked and visited and it was a very nice experience.  We packed it up and went home.  Samantha and Emma got Claire and Hayes to bed and then we gathered downstairs to play a game of Taboo (boys vs. girls - girls won) and then a game of spoons that turned into full contact wrestling at times.  It was so very fun and a lot of good memories were built.  The game was fun because Emma would get a spoon but be so very slick that nobody would see it missing.  She did this multiple times.  When anyone noticed it was a full force grab for the remaining spoons.  There was lots of laughter and I think everyone is going to bed having had a good day.  What a positive note to end the day on.

Tomorrow is black Friday.  You know what that means?  Absolutely nothing to me.  Shopping is already happening online so I am avoiding the crowds.  I am taking my kids to see a movie so that will be a bit of chaos but it should be ok.

Until tomorrow - 

16 November 2021 (6 years, 10 months, 28 days after The Day)

 Have you ever had a day where things were flying at you left and right and you just managed to keep up? Today was a day like that for me.  I found that I shifted from major project to major project made significant headway on each and before I knew it I am sitting here blogging at 9:30 pm.  

Last night I was messaging the Rongey's and Kurt sent me the following photo of Ammon and Julianne when they were young.  

Apparently they were catching imaginary bubbles in their mouthes as they were walking.

So - This picture was in Julianne's room.  Ammon has the same one.  While it is painful to see our children experience pain it is nothing to losing a child.

Sorry these posts are a bit raw.  It reminds me so much of when Jan passed and there was a gaping hole left in our family.  It is amazing how much friendship means and I suppose you don't realize it until they are gone.

I think of how nice it will be one day to see all of our loved ones again.  I have absolute confidence that we will see them again.  I also believe they are close by and not in some far off place.  I believe our family who has passed helps those here.  Perhaps a way to think of it is our guardian angels are really our family. Who else would strive to help us out in life?  It is those that love us the most.  Our family.

16 November 2021 (6 years, 10 months, 27 days after The Day)

 Well - I found out this morning that Julianne Rongey passed away.  She had a go fund me site created by a family friend where people gave a ton as the Rongey's took Julianne to all types of treatments around the country.  Death is such a tough thing to accept.  It just stings.  It stings years after it is over.  The sharp pain never seems to dull while the memories do.  My thoughts and prayers are with the Rongey family.  To quote Theoden in the Lord of the Rings "No parent should have to bury their child".  

Ammon and Julianne were close friends when we lived in Arlington.  It was very rough for him to receive this news.  I think he was in shock because who dies when you are that young?  Maybe grandparents if they are elderly but certainly not your best friend.  My sister's best friend passed away from cancer when she was young.  I still remember all the chemo she was going through at the time.  

-----------------

So - a change of subject - I am getting prepared for school.  I never thought I would be in formal school again yet - here I am.

I watched a video on time management that referenced the 4 quadrants that Dr. Stephen Covey taught (important vs. urgent)

But the video talked about how to handle what is both important and urgent.  This was a funnel of the following:

1. Eliminate (learn to say no).  By saying yes you are saying no to something else.  Learn to say no.
2. Automate.  Use technology to automate things (i.e. setup bill pay so you don't have to manage something)
3. Delegate (learn to assign tasks out)
4. Finally - the last is for me to deal with and if I still can't then it goes through the funnel again.

It is a good talk.  

so - I feel I have a handle on #2 but I am learning how to eliminate and delegate or at least eliminate and delegate more than I am now currently doing.

-----------------

My mind drifts back to the Rongey's.  My heart breaks for them.

Until later - 

06 November 2021 (6 years, 10 months, 17 days after The Day)

 So, this is one of those summarize a lot of big stuff posts.  

Emma left to CA to serve as a missionary.  She is speaking English and serving in a neighboring mission to where I served back in 97.  I miss her.  She is doing well and has acclimated to things as good as should be expected.  Serving is humbling.  Learning how to work with others is humbling.  I am proud of her.

I have been mulling over if going back to school made sense for a very long time.  I finally realized that additional education can only help me.  So, with that mindset, I decided to go back to school.  In looking at schools I was reminded of how my previous undergraduate experience went.  I felt I had to beg for admission to TTU after being rejected from other Texas universities.  Much of this was self inflicted from me not taking seriously the ACT and SAT tests.  I was accepted on a provisional basis to TTU and when the dust settled, I ended up doing ok overall.  I focused on ensuring my undergraduate GPA was over a 3.0 in case I wanted to attend graduate school later.  I graduated with a Bachelor of Business Administration in Management Information Systems.  

As I reflected back to the admissions process to TTU, I was much more determined in the application process to graduate school.  After whittling down the list of universities to those that worked for me, I ended up applying to two universities.  The application process was very self-reflective.  I was required to solicit two recommendations and I chose my current and former supervisors.  I think this is an exercise that should be done by everyone from time to time.  The application process asked searching questions and for me I feel I emerged knowing a bit more about myself than when I started.  I had to do video interviews as well which put me on my toes.  A question was asked, I had 45 seconds to prepare, then I could speak for 1.5 minutes.  I had about 6 questions.  I believe I did ok.  When I finally clicked submit on both applications it wasn't until the next day that I realized there were parts I would have done differently.  I feared I screwed up my chances.  I applied during round 1 of both universities selection processes so I was hopeful I would have a fighting chance.  With both submitted I had a day to get my stuff in order because Samantha planned a trip for us to go to Cancun, Mexico. 

Forecasts said it would rain the entire week.  I told her it was still worth it.  Samantha and I have been so overwhelmed with the kids, their activities, and work that we have both been needing a break from things.  She planned months in advance and boy, did this fall at the right time.  We went through Delta Vacations.  I have been very impressed with how everything was handled and the cost of everything was very reasonable.  It was just as expensive to fly to Houston for a couple of days and while visiting family would have been nice, the beach in Mexico was calling our name.  Both Samantha and I were just ready to take a week and sleep in a hammock.  We enjoyed our time.  We went to a resort which really took care of everything.  We just had to get to the beach and our meals that were provided most anytime of day by the resort.  It only rained two days and both times were passing showers.  We read books, slept, swam, and generally recharged.  Six days after I submitted my application, I was sitting in bed in Mexico.  Our trip was wrapping up.  It was early and Samantha was still sleeping.  I checked my email and got a notice from one of the universities that I was accepted.  I was in shock.  Samantha was irritated with me that I didn't wake her but that is how I do things...I just needed to process any potential acceptance/rejection privately and I didn't want to have my hopes dashed by waking her only to find out I was wait listed or didn't get in.  As most vacations go, no sooner than we got there we were leaving.  Can I just say that traveling internationally with a pandemic is no fun?  Getting there was easy but leaving back to the US was so overwhelming.  I think Samantha and I had to go through the same line 3 times before we had all the Mexican paperwork in order for us to go through security.  I arrived home and a few days later I received the second acceptance letter.  

After looking at each in detail and discussing this with others whom have attended both schools I have made the decision to attend Purdue.  I start in January.

I am accepting the fact that my life will be different now that I will be attending school.  I hope I can juggle everything.

There is more going on but for now, let's end on this - mission, Mexico, and school.  That's the update for today.

More later - 

03 October 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 13 days after The Day)

Shortly after I posted the blog I went outside to check on the pork.  I knew it was done but I was disappointed to wait on the briskets.  So - I took my trusty instant thermometer out there and the pork was indeed done.  The magic number of 200 degrees.  I went ahead and poked the brisket to ensure the temp on both was roughly 180 and to my utter disappointment I found that they both were 200.  I was so frustrated.  A bad probe caused my brisket to overcook.  It just reminds me how important the quality of the feedback loop is.  All this means for the brisket is it will be very very soft.  Anyway - I got up this morning about 7am only to see that Dylan sent me a txt at 2am warning me that the temp on the smoker was low.  He wasn't home when I took the meat off so he thought it was still on there.  I shot him a reply, got up, and got the ribs going.  I am a bit disappointed in the quality of smoke from an apricot tree.  That wood really pushes some dark smoke.   I came back in and finished getting the turkey prepped.  I decided to smoke a turkey that had been in our freezer for a long time.  Samantha was saying to just throw it out but I figured I would just give it a try and if it was bad we could throw it out.  Yesterday I spent time getting it thawed.  I ran out of room in the fridge and so I emptied a vegetable drawer and lined it with foil and made a nice little bed for the bird.  This morning I pulled the turkey out and spatchcocked the bird, seasoned it, and put it back in the fridge in the spot where the ribs were.  I'm trying to juggle the room in the fridge but it is tight!

So - how about that for 1.5 hours of being awake.

More later -  

02 October 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 12 days after The Day)

 So - the day started with me waking up from a bad dream.  I don't dream much but last night was one that I was happy to wake up from.  In my dream I was in college and apparently I was late to a class and had to walk in during the lecture.  It was a small class size so it was very obvious that I was walking in and had no idea what what going on.  Suffice it to say I have lived this in real life before and dreaming about it gave the same feeling.  I don't know if you all have experienced anything like this in normal life but it is something I really hate.  Anyway - I started the day by getting my smoker ready for the long burn.  I cleaned up the fire box, loaded it with wood, and started the fire.  That was about 7:30am.  I named my smoker "Ol' Bessie" after the Pixar movie Cars.  This old smoker cooks some good food.  So - here it is 11pm and I am patiently waiting for my briskets to get to 195 degrees Fahrenheit.  They are at 177... I have a feeling I am sleeping on the couch tonight.

I spent some time learning more linear algebra today.  It was nice to be able to tackle a problem that brought so much frustration.  I had to dig up my trig knowledge to solve the problem and suffice it to say it made me smile when I got the right answer.  I haven't used trig in 20 years.

Today was a semi-annual broadcast of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  As a family we would gather around the TV and watch inspirational talks given but today was slim pickings.  It seemed at times I was alone in the living room.  Everyone had different things happening.  I enjoyed the talks and felt a little closer to God.  If you have never watched one of these, you can google it or go to https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org and search for "General Conference" to see what I am talking about.  It isn't like some of the of the "HALLELUJAH! Praise Jesus!" type of meetings.  There is a talk below that is actually my most favorite talk.  I liked it so much I memorized it.  It is by Elder Neal A. Maxwell and he gave it in 1974.  Regardless of your beliefs about God I think it is pertinent in these latter days.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1974/11/why-not-now.p1?lang=eng

So - General Conference is both Saturday and Sunday.  So - tomorrow we will gather around the TV and watch again and then in the evening time, Samantha will have some of her work friends over for some BBQ.  

I plan to put the ribs on tomorrow morning and then throw in a turkey after the ribs which we can eat on later.  I think this BBQ run is about 77 lb. of meat.  It sounds like a lot but after we have friends and family over we have enough to last us about 3 months (i.e. about 6 meals) and there generally are no left over ribs.  I guess people like them.  Samantha and I made our different BBQ sauces.  She made the potato salad and will put the beans on to cook tomorrow.  We are both so tired.

So - I suppose I am off to the couch to wait on the temp.  After writing this blog entry the temp is at 180 and it is 11:25pm.  Maybe it is a Lord of the Rings night tonight.

Until later - 

  

 

30 Sept 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 10 days after The Day)

 A few months ago Samantha purchased a Jalapeño plant for me from the Home Depot.  It was a small little thing and a wind storm blew it off the porch and separated it from the pot spilling potting soil all over the porch.  I decided to plant it in the front bed right by the porch so I could easily tend to it.  It got watered and slowly began to grow.  Here we are a few months later and the little plant is producing a ton of peppers.  Below is a snapshot of just a portion of the peppers I took from the plant this afternoon.  

Who would have thought I could grow a plant that would produce something I like?!  My grandmother would be proud.  

Today I reflected a ton on Emma and Alex - both serving in the mission field.  Alex will be back in less than a year.  It is crazy how fast time moves when everyone has a busy schedule.  I hope Emma is doing well.  There is a bit of a shock of beginning a mission when a person arrives at the missionary training center (MTC).  It isn't anything bad but it is a moment in time that you realize this journey is beginning.  It can be unsettling but it can also be transformative in such a positive way.

I did something the other day.  I decided to get prescription sunglasses.  I was so determined to make contacts work but I couldn't get the darn thing in my eye.  My doctor was very patient as he wanted to help but my previous memories of trying them in high school taught me that I would do much better if I did them myself.  So - I tried until I became frustrated.  I threw in the towel and blamed it on my small eyes but it is probably just me not relaxing my eyes.  Anyway - I picked out a new set of standard frames as well as a pair of sunglasses.  I am very excited to get them both.  I have not worn sunglasses since I was 13.  I am hopeful this will help me avoid the pesky migraines that seem to be triggered with sunlight.  Samantha got glasses as well.  It seems both of our sight isn't as good as it used to be.  We were notified today that two of the pairs were ready.  As soon as they are all here we will go get them.

I realize just how normal most of society is as we all try to raise our kids to be good people.  I realize there are those on the fringe that make for good people watching moments but I am not referring to them.  I'm taking about the normal Joe in his car driving to work.  Everyone has challenges.  Maybe they are big or small.  Maybe the person can handle stresses with grace or maybe they have a tantrum.  I was looking around my friends, neighbors, and family and there are those that lost a spouse, child, or family member.  There are those that have children that have made bad choices.  There are those that are working multiple jobs as well as going to school to better themselves.  Some are sick or dealing with disease or physical limitations.  I see everyone doing their best and yet I see everyone numb to the real world.  I find it energizing when I have an in-person conversation (a short one) with someone.  Today's technology has devices in everyone's hand that tells them how much time they are averaging a day.  Remember the time before the mobile phones when you just didn't know where people where until they came home?  You would sit and watch TV and chat with your family.  I smile when I think of those memories.  Just some thoughts.

Well - until later - 

29 Sept 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 9 days after The Day)

 Yes- I have taken a break from writing.  It seems there is a normal lag to my writing during the summer months.  I haven't intended to be aloof but alas it seems to be a trend.  I find myself looking back over my life tonight.  This reflection is based on the fact that my eldest daughter has left to serve as a missionary for 18 months.  It was difficult to see her go.  She is no longer a little girl but as a father I can't help but look at all my kids like they were when they were younger.  So, I sit here in bed pondering the very feelings I went through more than 20 years ago when I myself served as a missionary.  It can be a lonely time.  It feels like you are at the base of a mountain before hiking and looking up.  It can feel daunting.  Like most adventures time moves very quickly when you are involved in what you are doing.  As Emma is wrapping up her first day I know she must have a mind swirling with emotion.  I gave her a father's blessing before she left.  It was a heartfelt goodbye.  I am so very proud of her desire to help others.  It truly is a sacrifice has the potential to transform the missionary.

I am going to BBQ in the next few days.  Dylan and his friends are eager to learn how and I told Dylan I would show them.  There was a sale at the grocery store on beef brisket and I picked up 4.  Each is about 17 lbs.  It will be good to show Dylan how to do everything.  He has the ability to become all consumed in something he wants to learn about.  I walked him through how I cook ribs and suffice it to say he didn't realize there was that much babysitting on the smoker.  So - tonight I began my preparations on planning the meat and determining how much will be cooked.  I'm sure it will be good.  I have a good mambo sauce that is tasty.  

I am brushing up on my math.  I have a love/hate relationship with math.  When I remember the rules I really enjoy it.  When I forget or mix up the rules, I become frustrated.  Today, I am getting a refresher course on linear algebra.  It goes hand-in-hand with some of my developing so it is good to remember the rules so I can apply the logic to business problems.  I have found joy in studying data to uncover patters that may be invisible (i.e. you can't see the forest for the trees).

Well - that is it for tonight.  I will write a bit tomorrow.  My mind is swimming with the day's activities.  Until later - 

02 May 2021 (6 years, 4 months, 12 days after The Day)

So - it appears the Covid bug has struck our home.  I am doing well and segregating myself as best as I can from Samantha and the kids.  I think Emma and Madilyn have already had this as all of us can't taste or smell much.  Can I just say that those are very powerful senses?  I wouldn't have ever imagined but not being able to taste for me has taken joy from eating meals.  I was trying to explain this to Ammon and shot the video below.  

So-  outside of this I suppose everything is normal.  I'm fighting normal flu-like symptoms but outside of this I am fine.  I think my symptoms started last Sunday/Monday.  So - I am working to adhere to the CDC guidelines for positive results and keeping my distance.  Emma and Madilyn have both passed the requirements so it is back to normal life for them but I am still self isolating to prevent the spread and for me that means limiting my time with everyone.  I can see how people wouldn't even know they have Covid.  Outside of the cough I thought I just had a cold.

Until later - 

22 April 2021 (6 years, 4 months, 2 days after The Day)

Cookies

Apparently my family likes it when I make them.  Madilyn wanted to make ice cream sandwiches and needed some cookies for the bread.  I told them I was out of butter and chocolate chips.  Both Samantha and Madilyn went to the store to get them and now we have cookies.  I just follow the recipe on the Nestle bag but everyone likes them.  Who knows.

I have been juggling a huge project at work and it has consumed my thinking.  We have the go-live of this project set for next Wednesday and I am working to ensure all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed.  There are enough moving pieces that it makes me a bit anxious to ensure everything is ok.  It always works out but the process is always entertaining to say the least.  We have the next project hot on its heals so there is no rest for the weary.

I setup the bed in Madilyn's room for Emma's return.  It is crazy to think she has finished her first year at college.  I see all my kids getting older and it is so weird to see myself age in the process.  

I watched the movie Yesterday with Samantha yesterday and really enjoyed it.  It was a cute film.  We had a date at Samantha's parents home to get away from everyone while her parents were out of town.  We ate takeout and watched a movie.  It was nice to get away.  We snagged a few other DVDs from there to enjoy here.  

Well - everyone is wanting cookies so I need to run.  Until later -

  

 

18 April 2021 (6 years, 3 months, 29 days after The Day)

 Well - this day started with Claire coming into our bedroom at 7:15 wanting me to make pancakes for her.  I got up and made her breakfast and gave her the meds for the treatment of her seizures.  In the middle of making pancakes Ammon came into the kitchen.  I made him some pancakes and eggs.  I made myself some eggs and had a yogurt and then I went back to bed only to have Samantha ask if I made pancakes for everyone.  It was funny since pancakes have a tendency to give an aroma that makes everyone hungry. 

This week we have had a fair amount of rain.  I noticed a bit of erosion by our back steps due to a downspout that was overflowing at the base where it connected to a plastic tube that extended into the yard.  I had never noticed this but when we had sprinklers put in the guy inadvertently buried the plastic tube.  I went out in the rain and dug it up and when I did it was a fountain of rainwater that poured out.  No more erosion.  So - when the weather clears up I will make something more permanent but for now I have a hole in my yard.  While I was outside in the back yard I noticed another downspout that had its drainage tube buried.  I need to find out where that one lets out so I can fix that one too.

I was feeling a cold coming on prior to this happening and sure enough I got a cold.  With all the COVID focus I think you end up second-guessing if you have it or not.  I doubt I have it as I don't have many of the symptoms of COVID but nonetheless I am keeping my distance.  Claire and Ammon have had some of the same symptoms.  The only place I can think I caught this cold was bowling with Ammon and Madilyn a few days ago.  Ever since I broke my bowling ball I have had to use one of those supplied there and let's just agree that these balls are not the cleanest thing.  Not only do you stick your fingers into this ball but you hold this ball that has been rolling on the ground close to your face.  

We are close to entering a new phase in life.  Dylan will be home in July and Emma Jean is moving back next week after completing her 1st year in college.  Samantha and I are writing down rules so these young adults have some structure that they know need to exist here for there to be mutual respect.  After all - free rent and food comes with some rules.  Samantha and I were talking about how some of our kids will be likely to move out quickly and others not so much but we figured if we start now with rules then it is consistent with everyone as they get older and transition into being a young adult.  Emma Jane got married so quickly that she never lived with us after she started college.  Anyway - new phase of life approaching quickly.  I will go get Emma and her first round of bags from college today.  Madilyn and her will be bunking up again.

As a family we have been watching Little House on the Prairie.  Samantha has a little crush on Michael Landon.  It is funny.  

We all really liked the morals taught in the series.  It seems those morals are just missing in today's world of entertainment.  We finished all but the last season where Michael is no longer on the show.  We watched like 3 episodes into the last season and Samantha was done with that.  I think we are transitioning to Highway to Heaven so she can get her Michael Landon fix. 

So - today is a lazy day.  I'm going to try to rest and get better before Emma moves back.  

27 February 2021 (6 years, 2 months, 7 days after The Day)

 So obviously there is a trend of me writing more as the anniversary of that horrible event approaches.  I don't know why that is but maybe it is more on my mind during that time of year.  I find myself in awe that my life seems to comprise 3 major times.

1. Life before I got married
2. Life with Jan
3. Life with Samantha

I seem to dwell on these three as they are so very different to me.  I feel I changed during every transition and became a little different.  Better for sure, but different.  My tastes change.  I heard a comedian's bit once on how stuff from before you get married ends up first in the house when you get married, then in the garage, and then in the trash.  I can relate to that as I have adopted a style similar to Jan and then adopted again to a style similar to Samantha.  

These moments in my life have me reflect more on my children as well.  Each child will pass a moment in time when they will have lived with each mother an equal amount of time.  Along with that threshold, I reflect on how old Claire is now and remember that this is about how old Ammon was when Jan passed.  Sometimes I think life is so unfair.  I also ponder the question - if I could go back in time and change anything - would I?  The answer is no.  I think if I went back in time I would appreciate things more; however, all the good and bad in my life has helped me be better.  It has helped me to appreciate people more.  To understand and sympathize with others better.  It has helped me to love my children and wife (both Samantha and Jan) more than I think I could have if the events didn't unfold.  Life is funny that way.  I'm not saying I'm some kind of saint.  I have made my fair share of dumb decisions that have affected both me and others.  I would love to undo pain I have caused others, especially my children.  Sometimes as a parent I think we just want peace and quiet more than we want happiness in our children.  At least - I do.  I think back on my parents.  My mom is about as close to a saint as one can get on this planet.  Seriously.  I'm not saying she is perfect but she really does strive to do the right thing always even when the right thing is hard to do.  I always admire that about her.  My father had some challenges in his life.  I have been critical of him because of his life choices but as I get older and see how I act, I find myself acting sometimes like he did towards me and my sisters as kids.  I find myself acting that way towards my own children.  It is one of the things I have strived to change about myself.  It is hard for me to laugh at myself and I find that very similar to my father.  While I find that we are a mix of our parents positive and negative traits I think each of us can figure out how to be our own self.  Deep thoughts I suppose.

Today is another day.  All of the kids are doing things leaving me a moment of peace.  I don't normally sleep a long time so as much as I would love to take a nap, I don't think that is happening.  I got inspired at work to develop a system where the systems do self-reporting enabling analytics to be real-time.  Generally when I get inspired like this is consumes all my thinking and attention to identify the problem at hand.  I really like the phrase "50% of any solution is defining the problem.".  This problem definition has helped me realize that computer systems and the human body are so very similar.  Nerves, for example, are a feedback loop to your brain on how actions are received.  In layman's terms I created a nerve feedback loop at work for something that until this time was without feeling.  It will open the doors to a lot of other tools to enable the systems to be self-guiding where they require less hand-holding.

Well - until later.