So - this day began at 1:30am. I found myself unable to sleep. I believe all this started in college. After Jan died it got worse. My mind is going 100 mph and doesn't stop so when I wake just a little I find myself wide awake. I seriously do what I can to keep my eyes shut and never under any circumstances look at my phone. Well - this morning I got up to go to the restroom and the light apparently woke me enough to where I was laying in bed for a long time and sleep was gone. It was as if I awoke from a nap and my body expected me to jump up and start the day. While I attempted to sleep my mind was racing on every conceivable thing. I thought about work that needed to be done at our home. I thought of work problems. I thought of potential solutions to problems at work that haven't been discussed yet. I thought of how to solve budget challenges both at home and work. I thought of all the things I am grateful for. I thought and thought to the point where sleep was beyond my eyes. I reached for my phone knowing that once I turned it on it was the end. I turned it on, responded to a few emails, did my normal checking of things, and found myself wondering what to do since it was 2am. I must have stayed in bed in the dark for about 3 hours and finally just got up and went into the living room. I watched the movie The Terminal and now I am blogging. The crazy thing is by 10am I will probably want a nap. This is so frustrating.
