So I've been thinking on triggers that make me sad. There are many but mainly songs. I feel like I can be composed enough to function in public these days. I am still tired but it is not as bad.
I had a daddy-daughter date with Madilyn tonight. We went to Sonic and got hot fudge sundaes. We talked and visited. It was good. We put gas in the car and Madilyn practiced cleaning the windows with the squeegee. We talked about fond memories of Jan and I asked her to write them in a Journal so she will always remember them.
When I got home Ammon shared that he got to hold Claire and that she smiled at him. I believe it was a healing/bonding moment for him. This made me smile. So, what is it with infants and their smiles. They are so very innocent and just touch your soul. I'm hoping Claire has a good night. I'm not looking forward to giving her the medicine in a few minutes. Grandma shared with me that it was a chore getting her to calm down and go to sleep.
I was amazed when my kids were born at how different their personalities were. Emma was very high energy. Madilyn was a lot less. Ammon was a little more than Madilyn but still very relaxed. They all have different interests and talents. They all are so very unique. I am finding that this uniqueness extends to how they mourn. They each go about it differently.
My battery died in my car and I have to get it replaced. You know, I am looking forward to when this barrage of "bad" events comes to an end. I know there is a positive in everything. I shared today with a good friend that there is good that has come from losing Jan. I now realize how much I love her. It is hard to know how good ice cream is if all you eat is ice cream. Having a lemon can expand your understanding of something you experience. So it is with pain and suffering with the loss of a loved one. I feel the depth of my love and appreciation for her is all the more. I know the lessons I have learned I can apply now. I can express my appreciation more. I can say thank you more. I can smile more. All things I wish I did more of when she was here. I suppose it is yet another chapter of just trying to improve myself.
