Today was the beginning of waking up. With my mom not here it is very much like it was when Jan was here. The activities, the chores, the expectations of me, etc... It really was like Jan was just out for the day and we were busy doing things. This change has helped me to get real and begin to swallow this bitter pill. Claire's eating volume has doubled and she eats more often. I'm very grateful that she just eats and sleeps at this point in her life to give me a moment to find what this new new normal will be. With doctor visits and activities at work this next week will be interesting.
I have received emails and letters with those that relate to the situation I am in. I am comforted to know that others that are going through life events like this take a bit of comfort knowing they are not alone or crazy with how they feel. I know my emotions have been all over the map. I have written regarding some of my feelings but not all of them. The feeling that your world has been turned upside down is just completely overwhelming. Everyone supports you but eventually they must return to their lives and THAT is when it is a challenge. So, today, I just missed Jan's company. I missed just being around her.
The ice was thick enough that cars could get out of their driveway but not back in. Tires spinning and zero traction. With that as a setting we stayed inside which limited our activities. Being alone sucks.
