So, while I trudge through on the honest trail I have thought about my relationship with God. I have thought how at times I have been so close and others not close at all. Through all of these events I have realized that I was the one moving... not God. And this is good. I understand what it is like to not have him around and also what it is like to feel completely connected. I think on why having connections with God is important and I think it is much like realizing that you don't have all the answers and leaning on God is really a good. It is good not to be like a drone where you want God to make your every move. (I get frustrated by this belief). Rather - I think it is like doing and being your best and having God to support you through this learning time.
When my kids come to me and ask for help with a problem often I want to see what they have tried to do on their own. I know how to solve the problem and me solving it won't help them. What will help them is for me to know where they are and take over where they left off. I think God works this way. Action seems to be required to get guidance. This is just an observation I have in my own life.
Dust has started to collect on a lot of Jan's possessions. That is difficult to see. I have a real fear of forgetting. As time marches on so do my memories. Can you recall all that you did yesterday? How about 10, 20, or 30 years ago? That is my concern. Take for example my grandfather. This is my mother's father. He was really a father figure for me and he died when I was 17. I would spend summers with my grandparents and my memories fade as time marches on. What was so vividly clear is now clouded over. I recall feelings mostly. Feelings and hear phrases he would say in my mind. 20 years have passed since he died and I hold tight to these memories. I suppose I will do the same with Jan.
I just broke my toe ... again. Then I was hobbling around and stumped it. So... onto my thankful list.
31.) I am thankful for broken bones. They help me to appreciate the ones that aren't.
32.) I am thankful for intense physical pain. It helps me to learn how to manage my initial outcry giving me hope for normal emotional reactions to non-physical pain.
33.) I am thankful for good books and movies. I often find myself watching Lord of the Rings or reading Beowulf to reflect on the hero's journey.
34.) I am thankful for the selfless acts of my children as they shower me with love. They teach me lessons every time.
35.) I am thankful for a dishwasher that runs every time it is needed.
36.) I am thankful for a vehicle that runs.
37.) I am thankful for my son's desire to sleep in my bed for comfort. That lets me know my kids know they can come to me anytime they need.
38.) I am thankful for my son's Tae Kwon Do. They teach him so many good character traits that I hope he holds the rest of his life.
39.) I am thankful for Madilyn's soccer activities. Her coach has helped her to play as a team and utilize the talents of the entire group.
40.) I am thankful for Emma's artistic talent. It has humbled me to realize how talents are placed in your children that far exceed those of her parents. And yet here am I to help her develop them.
