6:35 pm
So today I did something I have never done. I was extremely honest with myself. Don't get me wrong I think I am honest but today I wrote down my fears, likes, and dislikes about myself. I had a hard time typing it. Seriously. It was a bit therapeutic because once I wrote it I felt like it was off my chest. Jan's passing has put me in a spiral out of emotional control. I really am a mess. I am always complimented on how composed I am but apparently I have a good poker face. Me writing things down helped me state my real concerns ... my real fears. My real likes and dislikes. I realized that Claire was asked to come here and had no control over the situation. I was raised without much of a father figure and I suppose I turned out ok. I worry about Claire not having a mother. I worry about being a good dad. I am complimented on being a good dad but I wonder if "good" is good enough.
11:05 pm
I spent time with my former bishop. He gave me some good council. I feel mentally spent. Today was a big feeling day. I am beyond tired.
