Today was a better day. It started off like before. I just had a moment where my concerns were lifted. I don't know how everything is going to work out... I just know that it will.
I took Madilyn and Ammon by Jan's grave tonight. It was good but tough. They both commented that you can really see the stars there. We have a telescope and I suggested that we go look at the stars with Mom since she is in the perfect spot. There are few lights and the lights from the city are diminished some.
I'm exhausted again. I'm having a hard time describing it and most people say "of course you are tired" but it isn't like physical exhaustion as much as it is mental. I just feel like collapsing. I think I did a little too much today or something. I don't know.
Well, Claire is cute as a button. She enjoys looking at us and studying us out. We had a physical therapist evaluate Claire and she took some notes and said she would like to follow-up in 3 months. So far so good. Claire seems to be "normal" for her age.
Emma seems to be battling a cold. Tis the season. I hope Claire can avoid it while Emma recovers. Emma asked for a healing blessing tonight so I administered one and then Madilyn said she wanted a comfort blessing so I gave her one. Everyone is missing Jan.
I realized I have been very focused on things I have no control over. I need to begin thinking of things I should be thankful/grateful for. So, I will start a list:
1 - I'm thankful for Claire, Ammon, Madilyn, and Emma. They bring such joy to my life. They make me laugh.
2 - I'm thankful that Claire is recovering and showing great progress
3 - I'm thankful for Jan and the time I had to share with her. I value her council she gave and the laughs we had. All good memories.
4 - I'm thankful for grandma and her sacrifice she has made in raising me and my two sisters as a single parent. I never grasped what that meant until now. She sacrificed a lot and I am thankful that she pressed forward through all life's challenges
5 - I'm thankful that grandma has been able to help us out. Jan's departure is such a challenge and the load has been lightened with her help. I am forever grateful.
6 - I'm thankful that we are able to experience pain. Pain for me has seemed to help my capacity to love increase.
7 - I'm thankful for my employment and the joy I have working with the people there.
8 - I'm thankful for having great mentors in my life. My current and past supervisors have helped me be a better person/employee/manager.
9 - I'm thankful that my father made choices I thought were poor and anti-family. Those choices have helped me focus on being the best dad I can be.
10 - I'm thankful for the love my family (both those that are alive and those that have already passed) have for me. Their patience with me has helped me to press forward.
I will focus on adding to this daily.
