I think the weather changes are playing havoc on everyone in my family. That isn't helping Claire much.
I had a discussion today at work about the healing process. I was told during the mourning process I would probably regret something or feel like I wish I had been a better husband. I disagreed. I thought about what a husband's duties are and I think I did all I could do. I do feel I could have done some things better but I just hadn't gotten to that before Jan died. So overall I don't have any regrets. The one thing I feel I could have done better at is to participate more in family planning of activities... from activities with the family on the weekend to planning the weekly meal schedule. I really neglected this. I also think I could have expressed my thanks more with unexpected surprises like me arranging child care and taking Jan out on a date. So, life lessons are good to learn. I just wish I could have applied them while Jan was here. She had such patience with me or perhaps it is fair to say we had equal amounts of patience with each other. We were each trying to improve and that simple understanding that she was in my corner cheering me on is something I miss more than anything. I just undervalued the price of support from my best friend.
So, I changed the battery in my car this evening and found that my car still won't start. Yay! I am sooo excited about this. I've decided to sell the car since Jan is not here. Since Grandma has her own vehicle that is newer than my car it just makes sense to sell my commuter vehicle. I'll keep the van for toting all of our stuff everywhere since we need seating for 6 and my car only will hold 5.
Soccer practice starts tomorrow and Madilyn is excited. I'm dreading having to talk to the parents there. Hopefully it will be ok. Being everywhere for everyone is tough. I tip my hat to single parents. I always knew it was tough having been raised in a single-parent home but seriously there is a difference between reading/hearing about and living. As a kid I didn't think anything was wrong or difficult ... as a parent I don't know how I will get through this.
