We all went to group counseling tonight. I was able to get someone to watch Claire so this was the first time I was able to really participate in the group. It was really good to hear from others the very challenges I am facing. I didn't feel so alone. Everyone there had a spouse that had passed away. All different types of ways but the reality of what that means resonated with everyone. It was good to be able to go.
So, again I find myself sitting in this rocking chair typing away. Tonight we discussed forgiveness as it relates to grief. One of the epiphanies I had was that often it is difficult to grieve if you feel justified to not forgive. I went through this with the death of my father and it took a while before I was ready to really let go. I don't believe I have any grudges with Jan. Sure, I am frustrated that she is not here but I am very glad she is in a place of healing. I would much rather her be whole there than shattered here.
I'm off to do some schedule planning so until tomorrow -
