04 April 2015 (105 days after The Day)

Today was a bit calmer than most Saturdays.  I took Ammon to Tae Kwon Do.  Took the kids to hunt Easter eggs with the neighbor.  Watched a church conference on TV and that was about it.  Claire is having a tough time going to sleep tonight and I am spent mentally.  I don't know what triggered me today but I just really really miss Jan.  I'm struggling more than normal and I am just wanting this struggle to end.  I suppose it is the culmination of a lot of pain but regardless this is a rough place to be.  I snapped at my kids tonight over the smallest things.  That led to them snapping at each other more than they normally do.  I sent everyone to bed.  After they were in bed I went and I apologized.  That helped everyone feel a bit better.  I find myself exhausted these days.  I don't know why.  I'm off to check on all the kids and go to sleep myself.