So today was a very busy day with juggling kids schedules, juggling my schedule, counseling for the kids to activities as night for my kids. I finished eating dinner about 9:00 and the kids are doing their nighttime routine and getting in bed. I had an interesting experience during lunch. I came home and made myself some leftovers. During this time everything just hit me all over again and I wept as I stood by the sink. I wonder when the "new normal" will start to kick in. Perhaps it already is. I am just hit with an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Someone today looked at me and said "You look good, Rob". I suppose that is true on the outside. On the inside I feel reminiscent of one standing outside where their home once stood after a tornado passed by wondering where to begin. Everything had order before. Everything had a place. Everything now is strewn all over with no idea where everything has landed.
I feel blessed though. I feel blessed that Claire's health is so much improved. Emma and Madilyn help so much with Claire and I have people volunteering to assist with her care. She slept 9 hours last night! She woke up a couple of times but she fell back to sleep. Every morning when I peek into her crib I say the same thing "Good Morning!" She looks at me for a moment and then it registers who I am and I get a huge grin. She then starts kicking and flailing her arms and legs for me to pick her up. People are still donating on this blog and that has helped tremendously. Health insurance has discounted the absolutely enormous bills to something manageable and the funds have helped pay these down. I am humbled by what people have given and every "thank you" I have attempted to write comes out lame. It just touches my heart the sacrifices people make. This is both in financial as well as time. Some have written letters to me directly and these have absolutely touched my soul. I think this is because when someone goes through an event like this you just feel alone and this outpouring of love is just healing. So, I suppose I should just focus on the positive. Focus one day at a time.
My phone is blowing up with stuff at work so I am off to work on that. Until tomorrow -
