I awoke this morning at 4:25 to Claire starting to stir in her bed. I was amazed I did not oversleep. The night before I did a light cleaning of the kitchen and living room to get it somewhat back in shape. The weekends have my home looking like a bomb exploded. So, I had the dishes done, bottles made, counters cleaned, floor swept, living room picked up, and me off to bed by 11:00. I feel very blessed that Claire slept through until 4:25 this morning. I needed that sleep. I got everyone up and going and managed to get the trash out for pickup and the litter for the cats changed. I realized this morning that I failed to feed anyone but Claire. I suppose I should look at the positives. I didn't leave anyone at the house.
Jan's passing has forced me to be a much better planner. I can no longer just float by and let life occur. I am constantly looking ahead. This reminds me of a conversation I had with Emma this morning. She mentioned that the moon looked like the smile of the Cheshire cat on Alice in Wonderland. I shared how one of the opening scenes in the book so relates to life/business. In one scene Alice speaks to the Cheshire cat at the fork in the road and says "Which path should I take?" to which the Cheshire cat replies "Where are you going?". Alice says "I don't know" to which the Cheshire cat replies "Well, then it doesn't really matter which path you take". So often in life we go aimlessly down a path and then get frustrated when we realize we are not where we wanted to go. It is so much easier to plan now where to end up then to be somewhere else and realize there is little time left to travel where you want to go. For me, I want to be the best dad.
Today was a seriously busy day. Got everyone in bed and settled by 9:15 pm. Go me. So I realized today that for healing to begin I really have to accept that there will be a new normal. This was very difficult for me to even acknowledge. That is where I am at.
