So today started off with a migraine. I woke up about 4:30 and stumbled into the bathroom. Afterwards I wandered back to bed and looked at my phone to see the time and noticed that the phone was blurry. I knew for me that is the beginning of a headache like an ice pick in my eye that generally hits about 30 min after my vision gets weird. I took some migraine meds and tried to go back to sleep. After tossing and turning I decided to try to work assuming I could see. I was able to see enough to get one project done and out of the way and with that I went back to bed for about 30 min which was enough to allow the headache to pass. I walked around the house with a squint like a pirate and while I'm sure I looked foolish it worked.
The rest of the day went without incident until I was putting Claire down for bed. Samantha reminded Claire that she needed to get lost of rest because tomorrow was her birthday. No sooner than those words entered my ears I was thrust back four years. In a matter of moments I relived the hellish first few days and I crumbled. I'm trying to be composed for my kids but at times like that it is so difficult. Samantha is so very loving, caring, compassionate, and kind. I told her I needed to go to the gym.
While I was at the gym I hit the weights hard. I had my earbuds in and it seemed all the music reminded me of that day and all the emotion I had poured out of me and into the weights. This helped me set a personal record for the leg press. Go me. After the weights I hit the cycle and ended up texting my sister who has also seen a few struggles in her life. We laughed together as we shared text messages about how we struggle through pain. For me lifting weights allowed me to both sweat and cry and for the most part it goes unnoticed. I'm sure the only thing that could complete the picture would be if I started screaming while I was lifting. (queue the weird looks from others) In a funny twist I believe this trip to the gym really helped me to process some of this grief. I try to be positive or at least put a funny twist on things so I can process the emotion.
Well - I'm back at the house and preparing for tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
