Well - Sunday was a good day. I was able to spend it with my kids, my mom, and Samantha. While in one of our church meetings I introduced Samantha as a visitor and as my fiance. People clapped and cheered. I was a little taken off-guard by that. Sometimes I just forget that many people just remember the horrific story... so having a positive one to add to my life story is worthy of cheers.
At night my kids had some homework to do and I have struggled with how to help Madilyn. Samantha worked with her and that helped a ton. With experiences like this I am glad that Samantha can see the real me... the person who struggles as a parent to be all for their kids... a person who just is trying to do their best. We had a long discussion on the schooling in our home and the challenges that exist for my kids.... what the future holds and how we can best prepare for it. That discussion was very draining. I think it was draining because I am trying to further schooling my kids like Jan did and I am realizing that I cannot do it alone. I just am failing. That is a hard lesson for me. Change is coming and I am trying to ease the burden that change has on my kids. In a way I feel like Jan is slipping away again. It just pains me.
