Both Samantha and I have been married before. Both of us have kids and have done the normal family routine. Both of us have confidence in this role and time in our lives. I dated Jan for about 5 years before we married. We were married for 15. During that time she and I grew to really understand each other. When Samantha and I met and dated it was very short; however, we both felt good about everything. So we made the decision and moved forward. Both of us had confidence in the future. What we are still working out is the quirks between us. It is a funny adjustment to feel completely confident in your abilities as a parent but all of a sudden questioning your abilities as a spouse. Don't get me wrong - there is no worry about if I made the right decision - it is about how Samantha and I react to various scenarios. It is entertaining. I don't know another word to use. Both of us are confident parents yet we are working to ensure our relationship is solid as well. We are both concerned that our communications through our actions may be misinterpreted and we are both taking additional action to ensure what we did reflects what we mean. So - juggling that with normal parenting has been interesting. So - something for the memory banks.
I have decided to write in this blog daily for a year. This is just my decision at this point - it may change in the future. My hope is that this silly thing can be of some benefit to someone who has lost a spouse. I feel I have captured a lot of my feelings here. The loss of your spouse is really like being cut in half and then asked to go about your day like nothing happened. It is an odd feeling both as a spouse and as a parent who needs to be there for your kids. I still have tough days. My love for Jan has not diminished and yet I have remarried. It is a very odd feeling to love two women. Anyway - there you have it... another day.
