25 Aug 2015 (248 days after The Day)

Today was another blizzard of a day with meetings.  I identified the issue with HP and am working on a solution.  Then - I realized at the end of the day that I needed to get dinner to take to group counseling.  I flew to the store - picked up a couple of rotisserie chickens and some potato salad.  I then went home - cut up the chicken as best I could - then loaded the kids and flew to the counseling session.  It was a good meeting.  The dinner was good except everyone brought chicken.  We had chicken coming out of our ears.  After dinner we split into our groups.  We discussed what made us angry and what we are doing to address it.  I said I felt like I was abandoned with a newborn.  That was what made me angry.  When Jan and I decided to have another child it was a joint decision... I believed it would be a joint effort in raising Claire.  So - when Jan died I felt very alone.  I am working to address these issues by giving myself permission to heal.  I know that sounds odd... but that really has been the hardest part of the grieving process... giving yourself permission to move forward.  So - I have given myself permission and I am moving forward on the path of healing.  Everything since that decision was made has helped me.  I really feel like I have started some serious healing.