So - today was going to be a normal day. At least - that is what we started with until Madilyn became very ill and grandma stayed home with her from church. I took Emma and Ammon with me. It was good to go.
I have decided to make some changes to my children's schooling. This is a very tough decision. Schooling for my family is core. As I wrote in my funeral talk for Jan it was core. I wasn't even sold in that method of schooling but became so as most husbands listen to their wives. I listened to her passion - to her drive - to her purpose. I was touched. She didn't know how she would do this schooling. She adopted many curriculums and we had our own thing. We founded it upon the truth and righteousness. It was great. As my children grew, their love of learning grew. When Jan passed - I was left striving to keep things as they had been. Homeschooling while working. Can I just say how impossible this is? With Madilyn and Emma there is some online schooling that embraces our philosophy that they are enrolled in. It is challenging and causes them to focus on it entirely. With Ammon - he requires more one on one and I cannot offer that. I have found a Montessori school that embraces many of our teaching methods but it isn't the same. Ammon starts on Monday.
I will be candid and say I feel I have failed as a parent. I am willing to let go of many things about Jan.. but schooling is something that we both embraced. I just struggle letting go. My alternatives are limited. Having him go to this school will acclimate him to what mainstream America believes is "school" so should he have to transition to another physical school the transition from homeschool to a physical school building with different rules will be one less thing that he is challenged with.
I still feel I have failed. I am making the best of the situation at hand but it is a struggle to say the least.
Oh... and our fridge broke. Yay.
