So today was an odd evening.... we didn't have any activities in the evening. It was nice not having to run around anywhere.
I have thought on the duties of Jan... the things I just flat took for granted. The things Jan did as my wife and as a mother to our kids. I just took so many things for granted. I look at Claire and think.... I want her to have a mom. I think Jan does too. I suppose this event is sobering. It is helping me to accept life for what it is and determine what I need to do to pick up the pieces and move forward. I have said it before - I will always miss Jan. I really do feel like a portion of me died with her. I also feel I have to just accept what it is and figure out how to move forward even though I am in pain. Time has helped me get strength. The pain has lessened now that I have embraced it. I know I will see her again and it is my duty to be the best darn father there ever was. I want my kids and I to return home to her one day knowing we did our best. That is my goal. That is my objective.
