I have read stories of people who have experienced similar losses. It is comforting to know a few things.
1.) I'm not nuts. Generally speaking grief brings a ton of emotions and often not in any normal order. My senses are hypersensitive and the smallest trigger can have me taking a trip down memory lane which can be filled with such pain it is really indescribable.
2.) Hope exists. Often it is easy to get discouraged when emotions often take their turn ruling your life. I was first told that you never really get over the pain... you just get stronger. I have found this to be true. While I am not as strong as I would hope to be one day... I am able to accept Jan's departure.
3.) In the midst of all my emotions I really did go through a period where I just struggled believing in anything positive. I had hope that others had faith. I know that sounds weird but that describes where I was. My hope in others faith has turned back to personal faith. I have learned a lesson about myself. I understand just how much of a beating I can take. I don't know if I can take more but I know the depth of my compassion I have on other people who grieve is much greater.
4.) I realize how much faith God has in me. I feel so ill equipped to raise 4 kids on my own and His trust in me brings a lot of comfort.
5.) I realize how children really are from God. So many times I have been taught by the simple words of my children. I love them and appreciate their love for me.
6.) I realize how much I really love Jan. The words are true - you appreciate things more after they are gone.
