02 June 2015 (164 days after The Day)

In group/family counseling we all wrote down about how we found out our loved one died and how it affected us.  I noticed something tonight.  This memory is still horrific.  It is still very tender.  It touches my very core AND I was able to write down and listen to others share their stories which while different had enough similarities to trigger many many memories personally.  I found that I could listen.  I wasn't up for sharing my own but I could listen and mourn with those who were mourning.  It was a sweet experience but hard at the same time.  I think I am getting stronger but the strength is not what I first imagined.  I thought strength meant not showing emotion.  What I am finding is that strength is the ability to feel through all the very tough situations.  To NOT bury the feelings.  I saw a glimpse of that tonight and as odd as it sounds it gave me hope.