12 Oct 2015 (296 days after The Day)

Monday has come with grandma out of town... juggling the kiddos again makes me appreciate all that Jan did.  I have pondered the silence that comes after all the commotion... all of the emotion and tears and heartache... I am left with silence.  As my life takes a new turn I think on how Jan would feel... what she would say... life has moved forward without her and all I have is my memories to take with me.  I have some recordings of her speaking... it is amazing how your senses can take you back like you were there.  I have come to understand that all the pain and anguish that me and my family have endured is a blessing in disguise.  We have learned to value what we have... prioritize what is important.  We have grown closer as a family - and what a high cost for that lesson.  As part of the widow/widower group I am a part of I reflect on new members that arrive.  They arrive like I did... broken and shattered... trying to come to grips with reality.  Unsure of the future and their role without their loved one.  My heart pains for them.  I understand why Christ wrote for us to help our neighbors... to comfort those that mourn.  To walk in their shoes will bring a deeper love and appreciation for those that struggle.  Love heals.  That is what I have learned through this life experience.  Love heals.