Jan's heart started to fail and after multiple attempts with CPR, Jan died. I began the onerous task of making funeral arrangements. I went to a funeral home that we had visited when another close friend died and found that funerals are expensive. The cost of getting her body and preparing it for the grave tipped the scales at 12K. After some discussion we were able to get the cost down to around 8K but we still needed to provide a casket and flowers. So, no guilt there... wife dies and you are guilted into paying for something that is for everyone else's benefit... not hers. Our church is providing the location for the viewing and funeral. My sister will be involved in doing the makeup and church friends will be involved in dressing her. Then... on to where to bury her. My wife and I are transplants from Houston so we have no family here. I have grown to love this area and don't see myself moving anytime soon. I want the burial location to be close where our children can visit her. Our first stop landed us in Arlington. The cemetery was surrounded by track housing that reminded me too much of our previous home. I know it sounds dumb but I can imagine the day I die my wife is waiting to have a discussion on the fact that I picked that location. So you can't die twice, right? I was trying to have an open mind... so we found a spot that looked 'ok' and I asked for the pricing. 8K. Yes, my friends, eight thousand dollars. Was it amazing? Was it where you would want to die? Two letters. no. Needless to say the 'tour' ended and we went looking at other cemeteries. That saved a future discussion with Jan. We found another cemetery... kind of rough but better.... then we went to another only to find out it was a private cemetery. So this continued until we found one that looked ok. I wanted to find a place where we could buy two lots. I figured we would need two since I was planting my wife there... I should probably get a spot by her. So, the cost?.... 3K. Ok, much more doable. Still ridiculous but perhaps I am over the sticker shock. I then realize that I may need to get one more. I don't know if my daughter will live and I will want her buried by my wife. So... I get a quote for 3, setup financing, and sign on the dotted line. Grave markers... nope. Not yet. That is another 4K for a normal no frills model. This entire time my oldest daughter, Emma, has gone with my sister to visit Claire. My other two children, Madilyn and Ammon, have gone fishing with a neighbor. I arrive back home mentally spent. Tons of well wishers have arrived and I barricade myself in my son's room to make calls to people that Jan was close with. Reliving the event with every phone call made a tough conversation even more difficult. Everyone is in shock. Everyone is wondering how I am doing. How am I doing? I am taking the advise I gave to my kids. One day at a time. One minute at a time. One breath at a time. I find myself focused on the financial aspect. I'm frustrated at the fact that short funeral timelines leads to ridiculous pricing. Do you have life insurance? If not, be prepared to pay some $$. I have not even begun to look at medical. So, right now I am looking at costs. I know my wife is in a better place. I know my daughter is being cared for. I have tons of people asking how they can help and while I am frustrated with the invasion of privacy I welcome it with open arms. I find myself sad when I am alone. My kids slept in my bed last night... tonight it is just one daughter, Madilyn. Emma is in her bed and Ammon is sleeping with grandma. I want my kids to remember their mother. I want to be the best dad in the world. After a lot of requests I am setting up a PayPal donation thing to help offset the costs where possible. Lesson learned: 1.)Prepare for the unexpected. 2.) Get more life insurance. 3.) Purchase burial plots early in life so you can get a decent deal. 4.) Share your love with others all the time. You never know when they just may not be with us anymore. 5.) Hug your kids. Let them know you love them.
