26 March 2022 (7 years, 3 months, 7 days after The Day)

 Today is a day that was filled with all types of emotion.  It started off with me attending a Micro Economics group meeting discussing a group assignment.  It was frustrating for a number of reasons.  The concepts are a little tough for me to understand.  We also had a tremendous amount of material in this week's lectures and I spent the majority of the time doing the calculations ensuring I understood how to do them.  This led to me feeling somewhat prepared for a quiz.  I took the quiz and failed it.  It was very humbling.  I got up from my desk feeling defeated and headed downstairs.  Samantha offered to give me a haircut so I took her up on the offer.  Afterwards I got cleaned up wanting to crawl into bed but we were waiting on some oranges to be delivered.  Jan's cousin was selling them to support her child's activities at school.  We purchased a 40lb box and it was being delivered today.  While we waited I cut me a piece of cake and sat to drown my sorrows in sugar.  Shortly after that the doorbell rang and the oranges were here.  He had a good visit and then I headed upstairs to take a nap.  I probably slept 30 min when Samantha woke me to tell me we were leaving in 10 min to go to SLC to a birthday dinner.  I quickly got ready and we were out the door leaving Ammon to hold down the fort until the older kids got back.  We met up at Samantha's sister's home and we all piled into their Tahoe and made the trip to SLC.  At the exit of the freeway (two lane exit) we all came to a screeching halt.  There was a man walking toward another car.  It appeared to be a road rage in progress.  The guy was pointing at one guy... then another car.  His actions were erratic.  Then we realized he wasn't pointing a finger... it was a gun.  We heard a gunshot.  We were 3rd in line before this guy got to our car and luckily we were able to back up and get back on the freeway.  Samantha's sister was immediately on the phone with 911.  That moment had everyone's heart racing.  The weird thing was three of the people exiting the freeway (including us) ended up at the same restaurant.  The police ended up at the restaurant to get information from everyone.  It was a very busy night.  The food and company was good.  By the time we got to Samantha's parents home both Samantha and I had missed calls from the police.  We called and ended up talking at length to some investigators.  After we both gave our statements, we ended up watching Forrest Gump on TV and then headed back home.

So - how is that for an event to remember?  

19 March 2022 (7 years, 2 months, 28 days after The Day)

 Today started off with me hearing a loud sound in the house.  I got up around 6am to discover.... nothing. I had a meeting with my group at school at 8am so I went to brush up on assignment and get things going. Everyone here has been dealing with the flu and while I am not symptomatic the irritation that Claire has because of her being sick is wearing on everyone's nerves.  I feel bad for her and don't know how to help her.  She argues about every single thing and blows the smallest things out of proportion.  I think she was just tired and hungry but it is taxing on everyone's nerves.  Samantha and I went grocery shopping and restocked on everything.  By the time grocery shopping, my class work and assignments for school, and getting the kids settled, Samantha and I found ourselves on a date.  Indian food.  It was so good.  I think I could be a blind man pointing at the menu and enjoy whatever they bring.  We really enjoyed it.  

I reflected on something today... the value of being present.  I have often tried to maximize the time I have doing many things at once.  This has led to my attention being spread across many activities and no single one has my full attention.  It has taken me a very long time to learn this lesson that there is value in being present.  Suffice it to say I am striving to turn over a new leaf and just be present.  I have been rude to others by multitasking and I am striving to start anew.

I'm so very tired tonight.  I'm calling it a night.  Until later - 

15 March 2022 (7 years, 2 months, 24 days after The Day)

 So today I learned how to patch a tire.  Specifically I used a product to insert a plug into a flat so it technically isn't a patch but suffice it to say now that I have done this I feel comfortable putting a plug into any type of flat tire that has a nail in it or something.  

After this was done I removed the brake calipers and put grease on the backs of the brake pads.  I changed the rotors and pads a while back but was out of grease so they have been squeaking like mad.  The van literally sounded like the brakes on a city bus.  I just needed to get in there and do it but I was putting it off because I didn't have a jack that was easy to operate and I didn't have an impact gun for the tires.  So after an hour I was able to hit all four tires.... no more squeaking (hopefully).  Getting up and down for all that has me so sore.

I got my first quiz and group assignment back from my micro economics class... I got a 100% on both.  I am so happy that I feel like I am learning the material and that the professor isn't attempting to fail everyone with trick questions.  I enjoy learning so this is a plus.

A neighbor of mine had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago.  It was one that most people don't survive yet he was able to.  I told him he still had something to accomplish for him to live through something like that.  Medical emergencies are so unsettling.  I'm so happy he was able to survive it and thank God for modern medicine!

I have been trying to sleep more than 6-7 hours a night.  So far that has proved difficult but it is something I am striving for.  I need to find a better balance for my school/work/life juggle.  I went to the doctor a few weeks back and he noted that lack of sleep can make everything so much worse and that sleep is the number one thing that you can do to help yourself.  For me, I need to figure out how to sleep more.

This blog entry seems to be a set of things done and not much of me talking.  Maybe I am just tired.  Until later - 

13 March 2022 (7 years, 2 months, 22 days after The Day)

 So, I completed my first class.... Business Analytics and got my final grade last week.  It took about 30 hours of study after my normal hours at work - every week for 7 weeks.  It took everything I had mentally.  In a way I felt broken.  I was able to emerge from the class with a B+ (89.455) but it extracted everything from me.  I still am disputing a grade so I suppose after the dust settles I could get an A- but suffice it to say it set the stage for how I handle all future classes.  I am now taking a micro economics and a python development class.  So far, I am doing well in both classes.  I am really enjoying the micro economics class.  This degree really is helping me to appreciate what my kids are going through in school.  COVID has made learning online more of a normal thing and this degree is no exception.  

Today a neighbor of ours invited us over for dinner tonight.  Samantha made some of her delicious baked beans.  They served some Texas BBQ that they had smoked and it was seriously delicious.  We visited for a couple of hours and it was good.  Both Samantha and I are fairly private people without a huge friend group so getting out and about was good and we all had a good time.

Two of my kids are battling colds that have lasted a few days.  They are both on the mend but we have quarantined them to their bedrooms while they have been sick.  Madilyn is just now feeling 110% better so it is good to see the kiddos getting back to feeling better.  Ammon is still battling a sore throat so we told him to gargle some salt water and head to bed.  By the way - I really dislike daylight savings.  Pick a time.  My preference would be for daylight savings time to become the normal time but I'm really ok with any time so long as it doesn't change.  Just my 2 cents.

Emma turned 20 last week.  That is so sobering.  I am having a hard time processing that.  I still recall when she was 7.  Time marches on. 

I feel like I am turning into my grandfather who slept wearing a winter beanie.  I just am so cold that a hat keeps me from feeling so frigid.  It is weird, I know.  

Well - I'm off to bed.  Until later -

01 January 2022 (7 years, 12 days after The Day)

 Happy New Year!  I am trying to type that with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.  I feel 2019 to the present day have been a blur.  Covid this and variant that.  I think everyone is ready for the pandemic to be over.  I didn't stay up to see in the new year.  I retired early; however, I awoke with the messaging from my daughter and then a pounding headache maybe an hour later that kept my sleep light and I never really did get rest.  I will attempt to make-up for the sleep I missed tonight.

Our schedule at church is changing from 8:30 to 11:00.  They are offering both online and in-person options.  I suppose that is the new normal with just about everything.  I think everyone here is happy to have it later in the day.  I am such an early bird that I joked that this new time is going to interrupt my nap time.  I have reached the age where I look forward to a nap on Sunday.  There is something about Sunday naps that makes them different in my mind than a nap on any other day.  

The fog of Christmas is passing and that is a good thing for me.  Christmas is so loaded with memories that it makes it a love/hate time of the year.  It also doesn't help that the temperature outside is 13 degrees Fahrenheit (-10.5 degrees Celsius).  Speaking of the unique measuring of the US - can we (The US) seriously switch to the metric system?  If you haven't used it and it is foreign to you, please get some exposure.  It makes so much more sense than the Imperial system.  If you think the Imperial system makes sense then try doing some calculations with it.  You will quickly see how archaic it is when compared to the metric system.  OK - I am off my soap box.

So - today I worked and got 2/3 of the way through the last module online.  After I finish it I have an exam and this thing is wrapped up.  My orientation begins on Monday evening and I have done this course, read a business case, prepared analysis, read a paper on group dynamics, and am ready to discuss all things.  The sheer volume or rate of information I am trying to process has made completion a challenge.  I have spent about 4 hours a day getting through it all.  

Someone once told me that math is just a language to describe what is going on.  I think that is true but I also realize the importance of understanding what is written so you don't misinterpret what is being asked. For me, that is the challenge.  Interpreting what has been written.

Oh well - more tomorrow.

 

31 December 2021 (7 years, 11 days after The Day)

 So today I took Madilyn and Ammon to see Spiderman - No Way Home.  We left about an hour early due to the snow and bad road conditions.  We got there early.  It was in one of these new theaters with seats that are like recliners.  It was a good show.  There were some scenes that triggered some tough memories - in that there is a scene when someone dies and it was very hard to watch.  After the movie we stopped by the UPS store to return some stuff I got on Amazon that didn't work but they had already closed for the day.  We then went by the grocery store and picked up some food for dinner.  I'm sure all the kids will be seeing in the new year.  I am going to be finishing up my course online prior to orientation on Monday so yay for me.

Speaking of the course online.  I am very disappointed.  Remember back in the 80s when there were slide projectors that the teacher would use that would show a picture of a dinosaur or something and then the teacher would play the tape that went with the slide or they just used it as a lecture point?  Well - that is what this course is like.  Instead of using modern technology they throw up formulas that you really need someone to walk you through to ensure you get it but they gloss over why the formula is setup the way it is.  It also doesn't help that the dialog for the formulas sounds like it is coming from this guy.

When the dust settles I find myself supplementing the instruction with YouTube videos from the Organic Chemistry Tutor.  They are very good and an A+ to this guy to put these together.  So far, the formula is:

course content + YouTube = Cognition

So - I am off to study.

  

26 December 2021 (7 years, 6 days after The Day)

 So, I realize you all may have been a bit disappointed that I didn't write anything on the 20th or 22nd.  Honestly, I have worked to put this out of my mind.  It is a constant reminder and it is painful.  I am glad that we were able to celebrate Claire's 7th birthday.  It was an intimate gathering with me, Samantha, Samantha's parents, and the other kids.  I had a couple of times that I relived that experience in my mind.  It has the same potency now as it did then.  Because of that, I strive to not dwell on those feelings.  It also is difficult to explain to those who have not lost a spouse because we didn't leave on bad terms.  I have met my fair share of people who have divorced their spouse and there is real pain and hurt that goes along with that parting because it is done on bad terms where the trust between husband and wife has been violated to the core.  It is different when a spouse leaves and you are on good terms. In a way it is like a part of you dies with them.  So, although I am remarried and on the surface it may appear like I have "moved on" in reality there is a part of me still sitting on the floor of the ICU in disbelief that Jan is gone.  In a way I feel that the "old Rob" is the one on the floor of the ICU and the "new Rob" is the one that emerged from that moment.  Jan was married to me but I honestly feel different now since I have gone through everything and I wonder what our future conversations will be like.  Samantha went through her own challenge with the passing of her husband and it is through that grief that we have connected.  Even though Jan and Samantha have known me during different parts of my life I am amazed at how each of them genuinely accepts me for who I am and strives to help me be my best.  I am eternally grateful for them both.  Love truly does heal all wounds.

We traveled down to Saint George, UT for Christmas to get out of the snow.  We traveled down during heavy winds.  Most were an indirect headwind which had me constantly correcting the van as I drove.  I was glad to finally arrive.  We rented an Airbnb and had a good bonding moment with all the kids.  We played games and really had a good time.  Hayes and I had a good time too.  He really likes me and it just makes me smile when I see that little guy running up to me with his hands in the air for me to pick him up.  We got a chance to visit with both Emma and Alex and it was so good to see them even if it was virtually.

We traveled back today.  After unloading the car, getting kids fed, getting Claire off to bed, and finally able to sit and write this blog I feel like I am able to breathe again.  I have to finish up an online Harvard course I started a couple of weeks ago.  I need to finish it this next week.  It is a recap of my stats class I took in college.  I am prepping for the first week at Purdue and suffice it to say there is a lot of prep work before the classes even begin.  Anyway - this next week = me studying.

So, we have a week before the new year.  It is crazy to think it will be 2022.  That seems like a normal phrase to say before the beginning of every new year.

Until Later -