02 October 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 12 days after The Day)

 So - the day started with me waking up from a bad dream.  I don't dream much but last night was one that I was happy to wake up from.  In my dream I was in college and apparently I was late to a class and had to walk in during the lecture.  It was a small class size so it was very obvious that I was walking in and had no idea what what going on.  Suffice it to say I have lived this in real life before and dreaming about it gave the same feeling.  I don't know if you all have experienced anything like this in normal life but it is something I really hate.  Anyway - I started the day by getting my smoker ready for the long burn.  I cleaned up the fire box, loaded it with wood, and started the fire.  That was about 7:30am.  I named my smoker "Ol' Bessie" after the Pixar movie Cars.  This old smoker cooks some good food.  So - here it is 11pm and I am patiently waiting for my briskets to get to 195 degrees Fahrenheit.  They are at 177... I have a feeling I am sleeping on the couch tonight.

I spent some time learning more linear algebra today.  It was nice to be able to tackle a problem that brought so much frustration.  I had to dig up my trig knowledge to solve the problem and suffice it to say it made me smile when I got the right answer.  I haven't used trig in 20 years.

Today was a semi-annual broadcast of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  As a family we would gather around the TV and watch inspirational talks given but today was slim pickings.  It seemed at times I was alone in the living room.  Everyone had different things happening.  I enjoyed the talks and felt a little closer to God.  If you have never watched one of these, you can google it or go to https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org and search for "General Conference" to see what I am talking about.  It isn't like some of the of the "HALLELUJAH! Praise Jesus!" type of meetings.  There is a talk below that is actually my most favorite talk.  I liked it so much I memorized it.  It is by Elder Neal A. Maxwell and he gave it in 1974.  Regardless of your beliefs about God I think it is pertinent in these latter days.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1974/11/why-not-now.p1?lang=eng

So - General Conference is both Saturday and Sunday.  So - tomorrow we will gather around the TV and watch again and then in the evening time, Samantha will have some of her work friends over for some BBQ.  

I plan to put the ribs on tomorrow morning and then throw in a turkey after the ribs which we can eat on later.  I think this BBQ run is about 77 lb. of meat.  It sounds like a lot but after we have friends and family over we have enough to last us about 3 months (i.e. about 6 meals) and there generally are no left over ribs.  I guess people like them.  Samantha and I made our different BBQ sauces.  She made the potato salad and will put the beans on to cook tomorrow.  We are both so tired.

So - I suppose I am off to the couch to wait on the temp.  After writing this blog entry the temp is at 180 and it is 11:25pm.  Maybe it is a Lord of the Rings night tonight.

Until later - 

  

 

30 Sept 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 10 days after The Day)

 A few months ago Samantha purchased a Jalapeño plant for me from the Home Depot.  It was a small little thing and a wind storm blew it off the porch and separated it from the pot spilling potting soil all over the porch.  I decided to plant it in the front bed right by the porch so I could easily tend to it.  It got watered and slowly began to grow.  Here we are a few months later and the little plant is producing a ton of peppers.  Below is a snapshot of just a portion of the peppers I took from the plant this afternoon.  

Who would have thought I could grow a plant that would produce something I like?!  My grandmother would be proud.  

Today I reflected a ton on Emma and Alex - both serving in the mission field.  Alex will be back in less than a year.  It is crazy how fast time moves when everyone has a busy schedule.  I hope Emma is doing well.  There is a bit of a shock of beginning a mission when a person arrives at the missionary training center (MTC).  It isn't anything bad but it is a moment in time that you realize this journey is beginning.  It can be unsettling but it can also be transformative in such a positive way.

I did something the other day.  I decided to get prescription sunglasses.  I was so determined to make contacts work but I couldn't get the darn thing in my eye.  My doctor was very patient as he wanted to help but my previous memories of trying them in high school taught me that I would do much better if I did them myself.  So - I tried until I became frustrated.  I threw in the towel and blamed it on my small eyes but it is probably just me not relaxing my eyes.  Anyway - I picked out a new set of standard frames as well as a pair of sunglasses.  I am very excited to get them both.  I have not worn sunglasses since I was 13.  I am hopeful this will help me avoid the pesky migraines that seem to be triggered with sunlight.  Samantha got glasses as well.  It seems both of our sight isn't as good as it used to be.  We were notified today that two of the pairs were ready.  As soon as they are all here we will go get them.

I realize just how normal most of society is as we all try to raise our kids to be good people.  I realize there are those on the fringe that make for good people watching moments but I am not referring to them.  I'm taking about the normal Joe in his car driving to work.  Everyone has challenges.  Maybe they are big or small.  Maybe the person can handle stresses with grace or maybe they have a tantrum.  I was looking around my friends, neighbors, and family and there are those that lost a spouse, child, or family member.  There are those that have children that have made bad choices.  There are those that are working multiple jobs as well as going to school to better themselves.  Some are sick or dealing with disease or physical limitations.  I see everyone doing their best and yet I see everyone numb to the real world.  I find it energizing when I have an in-person conversation (a short one) with someone.  Today's technology has devices in everyone's hand that tells them how much time they are averaging a day.  Remember the time before the mobile phones when you just didn't know where people where until they came home?  You would sit and watch TV and chat with your family.  I smile when I think of those memories.  Just some thoughts.

Well - until later - 

29 Sept 2021 (6 years, 9 months, 9 days after The Day)

 Yes- I have taken a break from writing.  It seems there is a normal lag to my writing during the summer months.  I haven't intended to be aloof but alas it seems to be a trend.  I find myself looking back over my life tonight.  This reflection is based on the fact that my eldest daughter has left to serve as a missionary for 18 months.  It was difficult to see her go.  She is no longer a little girl but as a father I can't help but look at all my kids like they were when they were younger.  So, I sit here in bed pondering the very feelings I went through more than 20 years ago when I myself served as a missionary.  It can be a lonely time.  It feels like you are at the base of a mountain before hiking and looking up.  It can feel daunting.  Like most adventures time moves very quickly when you are involved in what you are doing.  As Emma is wrapping up her first day I know she must have a mind swirling with emotion.  I gave her a father's blessing before she left.  It was a heartfelt goodbye.  I am so very proud of her desire to help others.  It truly is a sacrifice has the potential to transform the missionary.

I am going to BBQ in the next few days.  Dylan and his friends are eager to learn how and I told Dylan I would show them.  There was a sale at the grocery store on beef brisket and I picked up 4.  Each is about 17 lbs.  It will be good to show Dylan how to do everything.  He has the ability to become all consumed in something he wants to learn about.  I walked him through how I cook ribs and suffice it to say he didn't realize there was that much babysitting on the smoker.  So - tonight I began my preparations on planning the meat and determining how much will be cooked.  I'm sure it will be good.  I have a good mambo sauce that is tasty.  

I am brushing up on my math.  I have a love/hate relationship with math.  When I remember the rules I really enjoy it.  When I forget or mix up the rules, I become frustrated.  Today, I am getting a refresher course on linear algebra.  It goes hand-in-hand with some of my developing so it is good to remember the rules so I can apply the logic to business problems.  I have found joy in studying data to uncover patters that may be invisible (i.e. you can't see the forest for the trees).

Well - that is it for tonight.  I will write a bit tomorrow.  My mind is swimming with the day's activities.  Until later - 

02 May 2021 (6 years, 4 months, 12 days after The Day)

So - it appears the Covid bug has struck our home.  I am doing well and segregating myself as best as I can from Samantha and the kids.  I think Emma and Madilyn have already had this as all of us can't taste or smell much.  Can I just say that those are very powerful senses?  I wouldn't have ever imagined but not being able to taste for me has taken joy from eating meals.  I was trying to explain this to Ammon and shot the video below.  

So-  outside of this I suppose everything is normal.  I'm fighting normal flu-like symptoms but outside of this I am fine.  I think my symptoms started last Sunday/Monday.  So - I am working to adhere to the CDC guidelines for positive results and keeping my distance.  Emma and Madilyn have both passed the requirements so it is back to normal life for them but I am still self isolating to prevent the spread and for me that means limiting my time with everyone.  I can see how people wouldn't even know they have Covid.  Outside of the cough I thought I just had a cold.

Until later - 

22 April 2021 (6 years, 4 months, 2 days after The Day)

Cookies

Apparently my family likes it when I make them.  Madilyn wanted to make ice cream sandwiches and needed some cookies for the bread.  I told them I was out of butter and chocolate chips.  Both Samantha and Madilyn went to the store to get them and now we have cookies.  I just follow the recipe on the Nestle bag but everyone likes them.  Who knows.

I have been juggling a huge project at work and it has consumed my thinking.  We have the go-live of this project set for next Wednesday and I am working to ensure all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed.  There are enough moving pieces that it makes me a bit anxious to ensure everything is ok.  It always works out but the process is always entertaining to say the least.  We have the next project hot on its heals so there is no rest for the weary.

I setup the bed in Madilyn's room for Emma's return.  It is crazy to think she has finished her first year at college.  I see all my kids getting older and it is so weird to see myself age in the process.  

I watched the movie Yesterday with Samantha yesterday and really enjoyed it.  It was a cute film.  We had a date at Samantha's parents home to get away from everyone while her parents were out of town.  We ate takeout and watched a movie.  It was nice to get away.  We snagged a few other DVDs from there to enjoy here.  

Well - everyone is wanting cookies so I need to run.  Until later -

  

 

18 April 2021 (6 years, 3 months, 29 days after The Day)

 Well - this day started with Claire coming into our bedroom at 7:15 wanting me to make pancakes for her.  I got up and made her breakfast and gave her the meds for the treatment of her seizures.  In the middle of making pancakes Ammon came into the kitchen.  I made him some pancakes and eggs.  I made myself some eggs and had a yogurt and then I went back to bed only to have Samantha ask if I made pancakes for everyone.  It was funny since pancakes have a tendency to give an aroma that makes everyone hungry. 

This week we have had a fair amount of rain.  I noticed a bit of erosion by our back steps due to a downspout that was overflowing at the base where it connected to a plastic tube that extended into the yard.  I had never noticed this but when we had sprinklers put in the guy inadvertently buried the plastic tube.  I went out in the rain and dug it up and when I did it was a fountain of rainwater that poured out.  No more erosion.  So - when the weather clears up I will make something more permanent but for now I have a hole in my yard.  While I was outside in the back yard I noticed another downspout that had its drainage tube buried.  I need to find out where that one lets out so I can fix that one too.

I was feeling a cold coming on prior to this happening and sure enough I got a cold.  With all the COVID focus I think you end up second-guessing if you have it or not.  I doubt I have it as I don't have many of the symptoms of COVID but nonetheless I am keeping my distance.  Claire and Ammon have had some of the same symptoms.  The only place I can think I caught this cold was bowling with Ammon and Madilyn a few days ago.  Ever since I broke my bowling ball I have had to use one of those supplied there and let's just agree that these balls are not the cleanest thing.  Not only do you stick your fingers into this ball but you hold this ball that has been rolling on the ground close to your face.  

We are close to entering a new phase in life.  Dylan will be home in July and Emma Jean is moving back next week after completing her 1st year in college.  Samantha and I are writing down rules so these young adults have some structure that they know need to exist here for there to be mutual respect.  After all - free rent and food comes with some rules.  Samantha and I were talking about how some of our kids will be likely to move out quickly and others not so much but we figured if we start now with rules then it is consistent with everyone as they get older and transition into being a young adult.  Emma Jane got married so quickly that she never lived with us after she started college.  Anyway - new phase of life approaching quickly.  I will go get Emma and her first round of bags from college today.  Madilyn and her will be bunking up again.

As a family we have been watching Little House on the Prairie.  Samantha has a little crush on Michael Landon.  It is funny.  

We all really liked the morals taught in the series.  It seems those morals are just missing in today's world of entertainment.  We finished all but the last season where Michael is no longer on the show.  We watched like 3 episodes into the last season and Samantha was done with that.  I think we are transitioning to Highway to Heaven so she can get her Michael Landon fix. 

So - today is a lazy day.  I'm going to try to rest and get better before Emma moves back.  

27 February 2021 (6 years, 2 months, 7 days after The Day)

 So obviously there is a trend of me writing more as the anniversary of that horrible event approaches.  I don't know why that is but maybe it is more on my mind during that time of year.  I find myself in awe that my life seems to comprise 3 major times.

1. Life before I got married
2. Life with Jan
3. Life with Samantha

I seem to dwell on these three as they are so very different to me.  I feel I changed during every transition and became a little different.  Better for sure, but different.  My tastes change.  I heard a comedian's bit once on how stuff from before you get married ends up first in the house when you get married, then in the garage, and then in the trash.  I can relate to that as I have adopted a style similar to Jan and then adopted again to a style similar to Samantha.  

These moments in my life have me reflect more on my children as well.  Each child will pass a moment in time when they will have lived with each mother an equal amount of time.  Along with that threshold, I reflect on how old Claire is now and remember that this is about how old Ammon was when Jan passed.  Sometimes I think life is so unfair.  I also ponder the question - if I could go back in time and change anything - would I?  The answer is no.  I think if I went back in time I would appreciate things more; however, all the good and bad in my life has helped me be better.  It has helped me to appreciate people more.  To understand and sympathize with others better.  It has helped me to love my children and wife (both Samantha and Jan) more than I think I could have if the events didn't unfold.  Life is funny that way.  I'm not saying I'm some kind of saint.  I have made my fair share of dumb decisions that have affected both me and others.  I would love to undo pain I have caused others, especially my children.  Sometimes as a parent I think we just want peace and quiet more than we want happiness in our children.  At least - I do.  I think back on my parents.  My mom is about as close to a saint as one can get on this planet.  Seriously.  I'm not saying she is perfect but she really does strive to do the right thing always even when the right thing is hard to do.  I always admire that about her.  My father had some challenges in his life.  I have been critical of him because of his life choices but as I get older and see how I act, I find myself acting sometimes like he did towards me and my sisters as kids.  I find myself acting that way towards my own children.  It is one of the things I have strived to change about myself.  It is hard for me to laugh at myself and I find that very similar to my father.  While I find that we are a mix of our parents positive and negative traits I think each of us can figure out how to be our own self.  Deep thoughts I suppose.

Today is another day.  All of the kids are doing things leaving me a moment of peace.  I don't normally sleep a long time so as much as I would love to take a nap, I don't think that is happening.  I got inspired at work to develop a system where the systems do self-reporting enabling analytics to be real-time.  Generally when I get inspired like this is consumes all my thinking and attention to identify the problem at hand.  I really like the phrase "50% of any solution is defining the problem.".  This problem definition has helped me realize that computer systems and the human body are so very similar.  Nerves, for example, are a feedback loop to your brain on how actions are received.  In layman's terms I created a nerve feedback loop at work for something that until this time was without feeling.  It will open the doors to a lot of other tools to enable the systems to be self-guiding where they require less hand-holding.

Well - until later.