30 November 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 11 days after The Day)

 So - this day began at 1:30am.  I found myself unable to sleep.  I believe all this started in college.  After Jan died it got worse.  My mind is going 100 mph and doesn't stop so when I wake just a little I find myself wide awake.  I seriously do what I can to keep my eyes shut and never under any circumstances look at my phone.  Well - this morning I got up to go to the restroom and the light apparently woke me enough to where I was laying in bed for a long time and sleep was gone.  It was as if I awoke from a nap and my body expected me to jump up and start the day.  While I attempted to sleep my mind was racing on every conceivable thing.  I thought about work that needed to be done at our home.  I thought of work problems.  I thought of potential solutions to problems at work that haven't been discussed yet.  I thought of how to solve budget challenges both at home and work.  I thought of all the things I am grateful for.  I thought and thought to the point where sleep was beyond my eyes.  I reached for my phone knowing that once I turned it on it was the end.  I turned it on, responded to a few emails, did my normal checking of things, and found myself wondering what to do since it was 2am.  I must have stayed in bed in the dark for about 3 hours and finally just got up and went into the living room.  I watched the movie The Terminal and now I am blogging.  The crazy thing is by 10am I will probably want a nap.  This is so frustrating.

27 November 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 8 days after The Day)

 Today seems to be the winding down of Thanksgiving.  Everyone is into their schedules and the thought of Thanksgiving seems to be a distant memory.  Yesterday ended on a note of frustration on a personal matter and I wanted to sleep it off and wake up refreshed.  Instead I awoke with the same frustration.  I think times like that seem to tell me it is an issue relating to me and me alone.  Perhaps I am having difficulty coming to peace with certain aspects. 

Changing subjects - As I look at all of my kids and their growing up I wonder if I did enough as a parent.  I suppose that is every parents fear is to be less than what their child needs.  I realize when the dust settles that they will have to be the captain of their own boat.  As the last lines of the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley stated:

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

It is in that vein of thinking that I realize that regardless of the challenges endured by me or my children they will be the one who is the captain of their boat.  I just pray that I have given them enough guidance.

25 November 2021 (6 years, 11 months, 6 days after The Day)

 Happy Thanksgiving!  

So there is something about the smells in the house during the holidays.  This year, Samantha is not cooking a turkey as we are gathering at her sisters home who is cooking one.  Samantha is; however, cooking rolls.  Oh the smell of baking bread.  It is so nice.  Emma and Spencer are here with Hayes and he runs to me.  He is so so so cute.  We danced in the kitchen to Christmas songs.  Emma Weaver and her new companion on her mission did a virtual missionary lesson with us and it was nice to not only see her but also think of how many things we have to be thankful for. 

I came downstairs from a afternoon nap and found the kids had put up the Christmas tree.  Since I am not one for Christmas this was nice that it was done.  We opted for a pre-lit artificial tree last year and it has made Christmas preparations so much easier.  We don't have the smell of the tree though.  Oh well.

More later - 

10:34pm

Supper was good.  It was a very good gathering.  Samantha's sister has a chocolate lab that is very docile and made the rounds trying to get a bite of food from whomever would share.  We talked and visited and it was a very nice experience.  We packed it up and went home.  Samantha and Emma got Claire and Hayes to bed and then we gathered downstairs to play a game of Taboo (boys vs. girls - girls won) and then a game of spoons that turned into full contact wrestling at times.  It was so very fun and a lot of good memories were built.  The game was fun because Emma would get a spoon but be so very slick that nobody would see it missing.  She did this multiple times.  When anyone noticed it was a full force grab for the remaining spoons.  There was lots of laughter and I think everyone is going to bed having had a good day.  What a positive note to end the day on.

Tomorrow is black Friday.  You know what that means?  Absolutely nothing to me.  Shopping is already happening online so I am avoiding the crowds.  I am taking my kids to see a movie so that will be a bit of chaos but it should be ok.

Until tomorrow - 

16 November 2021 (6 years, 10 months, 28 days after The Day)

 Have you ever had a day where things were flying at you left and right and you just managed to keep up? Today was a day like that for me.  I found that I shifted from major project to major project made significant headway on each and before I knew it I am sitting here blogging at 9:30 pm.  

Last night I was messaging the Rongey's and Kurt sent me the following photo of Ammon and Julianne when they were young.  

Apparently they were catching imaginary bubbles in their mouthes as they were walking.

So - This picture was in Julianne's room.  Ammon has the same one.  While it is painful to see our children experience pain it is nothing to losing a child.

Sorry these posts are a bit raw.  It reminds me so much of when Jan passed and there was a gaping hole left in our family.  It is amazing how much friendship means and I suppose you don't realize it until they are gone.

I think of how nice it will be one day to see all of our loved ones again.  I have absolute confidence that we will see them again.  I also believe they are close by and not in some far off place.  I believe our family who has passed helps those here.  Perhaps a way to think of it is our guardian angels are really our family. Who else would strive to help us out in life?  It is those that love us the most.  Our family.

16 November 2021 (6 years, 10 months, 27 days after The Day)

 Well - I found out this morning that Julianne Rongey passed away.  She had a go fund me site created by a family friend where people gave a ton as the Rongey's took Julianne to all types of treatments around the country.  Death is such a tough thing to accept.  It just stings.  It stings years after it is over.  The sharp pain never seems to dull while the memories do.  My thoughts and prayers are with the Rongey family.  To quote Theoden in the Lord of the Rings "No parent should have to bury their child".  

Ammon and Julianne were close friends when we lived in Arlington.  It was very rough for him to receive this news.  I think he was in shock because who dies when you are that young?  Maybe grandparents if they are elderly but certainly not your best friend.  My sister's best friend passed away from cancer when she was young.  I still remember all the chemo she was going through at the time.  

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So - a change of subject - I am getting prepared for school.  I never thought I would be in formal school again yet - here I am.

I watched a video on time management that referenced the 4 quadrants that Dr. Stephen Covey taught (important vs. urgent)

But the video talked about how to handle what is both important and urgent.  This was a funnel of the following:

1. Eliminate (learn to say no).  By saying yes you are saying no to something else.  Learn to say no.
2. Automate.  Use technology to automate things (i.e. setup bill pay so you don't have to manage something)
3. Delegate (learn to assign tasks out)
4. Finally - the last is for me to deal with and if I still can't then it goes through the funnel again.

It is a good talk.  

so - I feel I have a handle on #2 but I am learning how to eliminate and delegate or at least eliminate and delegate more than I am now currently doing.

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My mind drifts back to the Rongey's.  My heart breaks for them.

Until later - 

06 November 2021 (6 years, 10 months, 17 days after The Day)

 So, this is one of those summarize a lot of big stuff posts.  

Emma left to CA to serve as a missionary.  She is speaking English and serving in a neighboring mission to where I served back in 97.  I miss her.  She is doing well and has acclimated to things as good as should be expected.  Serving is humbling.  Learning how to work with others is humbling.  I am proud of her.

I have been mulling over if going back to school made sense for a very long time.  I finally realized that additional education can only help me.  So, with that mindset, I decided to go back to school.  In looking at schools I was reminded of how my previous undergraduate experience went.  I felt I had to beg for admission to TTU after being rejected from other Texas universities.  Much of this was self inflicted from me not taking seriously the ACT and SAT tests.  I was accepted on a provisional basis to TTU and when the dust settled, I ended up doing ok overall.  I focused on ensuring my undergraduate GPA was over a 3.0 in case I wanted to attend graduate school later.  I graduated with a Bachelor of Business Administration in Management Information Systems.  

As I reflected back to the admissions process to TTU, I was much more determined in the application process to graduate school.  After whittling down the list of universities to those that worked for me, I ended up applying to two universities.  The application process was very self-reflective.  I was required to solicit two recommendations and I chose my current and former supervisors.  I think this is an exercise that should be done by everyone from time to time.  The application process asked searching questions and for me I feel I emerged knowing a bit more about myself than when I started.  I had to do video interviews as well which put me on my toes.  A question was asked, I had 45 seconds to prepare, then I could speak for 1.5 minutes.  I had about 6 questions.  I believe I did ok.  When I finally clicked submit on both applications it wasn't until the next day that I realized there were parts I would have done differently.  I feared I screwed up my chances.  I applied during round 1 of both universities selection processes so I was hopeful I would have a fighting chance.  With both submitted I had a day to get my stuff in order because Samantha planned a trip for us to go to Cancun, Mexico. 

Forecasts said it would rain the entire week.  I told her it was still worth it.  Samantha and I have been so overwhelmed with the kids, their activities, and work that we have both been needing a break from things.  She planned months in advance and boy, did this fall at the right time.  We went through Delta Vacations.  I have been very impressed with how everything was handled and the cost of everything was very reasonable.  It was just as expensive to fly to Houston for a couple of days and while visiting family would have been nice, the beach in Mexico was calling our name.  Both Samantha and I were just ready to take a week and sleep in a hammock.  We enjoyed our time.  We went to a resort which really took care of everything.  We just had to get to the beach and our meals that were provided most anytime of day by the resort.  It only rained two days and both times were passing showers.  We read books, slept, swam, and generally recharged.  Six days after I submitted my application, I was sitting in bed in Mexico.  Our trip was wrapping up.  It was early and Samantha was still sleeping.  I checked my email and got a notice from one of the universities that I was accepted.  I was in shock.  Samantha was irritated with me that I didn't wake her but that is how I do things...I just needed to process any potential acceptance/rejection privately and I didn't want to have my hopes dashed by waking her only to find out I was wait listed or didn't get in.  As most vacations go, no sooner than we got there we were leaving.  Can I just say that traveling internationally with a pandemic is no fun?  Getting there was easy but leaving back to the US was so overwhelming.  I think Samantha and I had to go through the same line 3 times before we had all the Mexican paperwork in order for us to go through security.  I arrived home and a few days later I received the second acceptance letter.  

After looking at each in detail and discussing this with others whom have attended both schools I have made the decision to attend Purdue.  I start in January.

I am accepting the fact that my life will be different now that I will be attending school.  I hope I can juggle everything.

There is more going on but for now, let's end on this - mission, Mexico, and school.  That's the update for today.

More later -