25 December 2019 (5 years, 5 days after The Day)

So today I awoke at 3:30 am feeling awake and horrible.  I picked up my phone and thumbed through email, news, social media, games, etc.  After exhausting that form of entertainment I put my phone down, closed my eyes again, and drifted back to sleep for a few more hours.  I awoke with Samantha telling me to get up that the kids were anxious to get downstairs.  I got myself out of bed, cleaned up, and headed out to see all the kiddos waiting by the stairs.  We all went down and they tore into their stockings.  I love seeing them smile.  We then opened presents and had a good time.  I was feeling like death warmed over so I excused myself to go back to sleep afterwards.  It seemed like only a few minutes after I closed my eyes that Claire came into the room asking if I was hungry for breakfast.  I went into the kitchen to find that everyone had eaten except for Samantha and me.  She cooked french toast, sausage, bacon, and eggs.  It was definitely not healthy but man was it good.  After breakfast, I cleaned up the kitchen and then went back to bed.  Samantha woke me to ask if I was up to going to a family movie.  I got up and went to the movie.  Jumanji: The Next Level.  It was a cute movie.  I started to feel better after the movie.  We then came back home and I crashed again.  Samantha came to tell me it was time to leave for dinner with her parents.  I got myself together again and went to dinner.  This day has been nothing but sleeping and eating.  Perhaps I needed that because after we arrived back home this evening I realized that I am beginning to feel better.  I guess I just needed some sleep.  All in all - I think the kids had a good Christmas.  Samantha took time last night to decorate the tree with ornaments Jan and I had which brought out some memories for the kids.  Ammon noticed this.  I don't know if any of the other kids did.  This Christmas was the first Christmas since Jan died that I actually really enjoyed it and was not pulled down by the memories of Jan's passing.  We all miss Jan.  We miss her terribly; however, I know she is happy to see the kids smiling again.  To see me smiling again.  I realize that life gives us experiences that can help us become a better person.  I am thankful fo my kids.  All of them.  I am thankful for both Jan and Samantha.  Both have helped me be a better me.  Merry Christmas everyone.