So today is the anniversary of The Day. It started with friends posting on Jan's wall on Facebook. It is Jan's birthday as well as Claire's. One year has been filled with so much pain... so much love and healing. I have learned about myself. I have learned about the compassion of others. Complete strangers have been loving and kind to me and my family. I have learned how many other people around us struggle with pain and it goes unnoticed. So many attempt to bury their feelings to function. I have learned about the healing power of tears. I reflect upon Jan's life... the wonderful lessons I learned from her struggles. I learned how to let go of pain. I learned how to love like it is your last day here. I learned not to take things for granted. I learned to hug your kids and let them know you love them. I learned that it is OK to cry. Since Jan's death I played my saxophone 2 times. The second time was yesterday. It felt good. I have learned how we grow through life experiences that we may not like.
A few of Jan's friends went to visit her at the cemetery today. It was difficult not to be able to go there. I still haven't gotten a head stone yet. I miss Jan still today. The pain isn't any less but the strength I have is more. It is funny how that has proven true from the advice I got at the very beginning.
Today will be a celebration for both Jan and Claire. It will be a positive day in the end.... built on tough memories but a positive day nonetheless. I am thankful for Samantha and the love and support she has given me through all of this. I really didn't realize how much I needed it until we were married.
Overall - I am thankful and tired. This life event has helped me to value my family. I thought I did before. I really did. I suppose I just look at things differently now. Love heals and family time is key.
