22 December 2022 (8 years, 2 days after The Day)

 Today was more juggling work while I was on vacation.  I know this is sometimes inevitable; however, I feel like my vacation comes when everyone is on vacation.  We were able to finish all the wrapping of presents.  We also braved the stores and finished picking up a few more things for Christmas activities.  I am trying to get into the holiday spirits.  It is a struggle.

21 December 2022 (8 years, 1 day after The Day)

 I always have had a bitter-sweet moment of the year during Christmas.  Everything is fresh in my mind.  The nightmare unfolds over and over and over again.  I was having a very frank talk with Samantha today about the whole memory and one of the things she mentioned was while it ruined Christmas for me it shouldn't ruin Christmas for others in the house.  I agree.  It shouldn't.  It is my own baggage.  I took a moment yesterday and wept.  Suffice it to say that I don't do that much but I was able to just let go of my feelings for a moment and feel sad.  It was good and sad at the same time.  I don't dream much or perhaps I just don't recall my dreams.  I have had maybe 3 dreams with Jan in them that I recall and none of them provided any closure for me.  I suppose sudden and unexpected death is like that... things are left unresolved.  It reminds me of the mental image I have of her purse sitting on a bar stool where she last left it and me realizing that purse would never be moved by her again.  Well - the 20th has come and gone.  

On a positive note, Claire celebrated her 8th Birthday.  She is such a sweet little girl and I am so thankful to have her in my life.  She had a birthday party with a few of her friends on Monday then a happy birthday moment yesterday with some cake and ice cream.  

I finished up my semester and have a break.  A month-long break.  It is so needed.  I was at the point of breaking mentally.  I ended the semester getting a B in the class that was so difficult for me.  It was an awesome class but so difficult.  I only have three more classes.  I am looking forward to being done.  I have explored DBA, Ph.D., Ed.D, and D.Tech degrees to further my education.  I really do enjoy learning new concepts as long as they have a practical side to them.  I don't know if I could do another 5-7 years of schooling.  I think that would be a challenge.  I would be interested in just getting the curriculum for the classes and doing them on my own.  I think that would be fun.

We cleaned the house today.  It was good to get some things checked off the list.  Getting the house cleaned, presents wrapped, and some important errands completed was good to get done.  Speaking of lists, Samantha was talking about "brain types" and that got me thinking about the Myers-Briggs 16 personalities and brain differences between the personalities.  That type of stuff fascinates me.  I honestly think if I wasn't grossed out by blood and guts I would have studied neurology.  Anyway - I came across a site that studied the various personalities in Myers-Briggs against brain activity.  The fascinating thing was understanding what parts of the brain are active when certain things happen vs. when other things happen. This explains why some people are good at remembering names, faces, shape associations, etc, why some people can be extremely blunt in both giving and receiving criticism, and why some have a natural ability to sniff out when someone is withholding information.  Each of these is tied to your personality and the corresponding brain activity.  So, this "personality test" is more than how someone is when interacting with others.  It tells a lot about how a person's brain works.  Fun stuff.  At least, I find it very fascinating.  For my personality fixing issues or completing things on a list bring a feeling of accomplishment... a bit of "happy" to my day, so to speak.  So, circling back, getting things checked off the list today was good (for me).. :-)

Well - more tomorrow

  

30 October 2022 (7 years, 10 months, 10 days after The Day)

 I have neglected writing and I probably have a valid excuse although it isn't really valid since I write on this blog for my own.  I get that others read this and catch up on what the Weaver's are up to but suffice it to say I have been busy.  A few months ago I inquired on the ability to be a teaching assistant at school after getting this approved at work.  This was mainly because in many of my IT related classes I end up teaching/tutoring others.  One of the school administrators reached out to me a few months later and asked if I would have interest.  I said yes.  Then I got another professor that requested me to be a TA.  I said ok.  So, last module and this module I am a TA.  I was also asked to be a TA for the Spring 2023 semester, but I turned them down.  I'll speak to that in a bit.  So, I am taking two classes this module.  Data Mining and IT Strategy classes.  Both have different ways of stressing you out.  For my data mining, I was immediately thrust into doing math that I hadn't looked at in a long while.  The class immediately picked up on linear regression from my business analytics class and I honestly forgot so many of the formulas.  Example problems are like the one below

James, G., Witten, D., Hastie, T., & Tibshirani, R. (2021). Chapter 3. In An Introduction to Statistical Learning: with Applications in R (Springer Texts in Statistics) (2nd ed., pp. 131–132). essay, Springer. 

So, when I got into this class I immediately felt I was behind.  To add to the stress, Purdue only offers this class once a year so if I didn't do well I would have to wait a year to retake it.  I was reflecting on the movie "Real Genius" with Val Kilmer and this once scene really really hit home for me this last week.

I had to reach out and get some assistance and tutoring.  Once I got a refresh, the problem above was very straight forward and I was back in business.  The concept of this course is to understand the math behind how calculations are done in tooling used for machine learning and then applying it in a SAS Enterprise Miner tool to leverage building models to best predict the future based on machine learning models that you tune.  Once I had some tutoring in this I am really enjoying the class.  The only positive in the class prior to me feeling completely overwhelmed was we had to select our own groups for a final group project and I had 6 people reach out and ask if I could be in a group with them.  I ended up getting in a group of 4 so we will see how it works out.  I was flattered that so many people wanted me in their group.  I suppose I am doing something right.

My other class of IT Strategy is very interesting.  I have dealt with IT strategy for over a decade being in management.  This class is forcing me to look at problems outside my area of expertise and evaluate and defend a direction.  It has spurred a lot of good online discussions with my classmates.

I submitted my intent to graduate in May 2023.  I have been extremely busy and have decided that my last semester that I will not be doing any TA work.  I told the professor that wanted me that I am happy to do work for him after I graduate if that is allowed.  I enjoy helping others learn new concepts.

I finished and submitted all of my homework yesterday and did not do any school at all today.  It was a very nice and much needed break.

<----- news update ----->

So - a shout out to my work family at the Houston Astros.  They are once again in the World Series.  My sister had the opportunity of going to the 1st game at Minute Maid Park.  I was so happy for her.  I told her it took about 8-10 years after I left the Astros for me to be able to go to a game there and not feel like I was at work.  Anyway - I am so excited for the team.  I am excited for Houston.  What an awesome event to have in a town that has experienced such a negative impact from the Oil and Gas industry downturn.  I am excited to see Houston electrified with the excitement that the World Series can bring.  It genuinely makes me smile.

The kids are getting ready for Halloween.  Ammon just finished a play at school that he performed in.  He is naturally good at acting and I hope he continues.

Well - I'm sure there is more that I am forgetting.  This brain dump has been therapeutic for me.  So - I'm sure I will do more of this in the near future.  Until then - 

14 May 2022 (7 years, 4 months, 24 days after The Day)

 Have you ever been overwhelmed?  Of course you have.  That feeling of the world's weight on your shoulders seems to be more normal since I have gone back to school.  I have two classes that couldn't be more different.  One is highly organized with deliverables scheduled where grading is very clear.  The other isn't so clear as it forces the student to determine what the deliverables should be.  They both create a significant amount of stress as I work to either complete the assigned deliverables or work to identify what they should be.  I am glad I am taking both of these classes.  Both are pushing me to be my best.

My grass is dying.  I am a bit frustrated.  New grass... dead grass.  The neighbor's lawns are green and growing and mine... isn't.  Samantha put some fertilizer down and we have been watering but it just hasn't taken off yet.  Maybe I should plant some rocks.

Inflation is a kick in the pants.  I was looking at the value of the US Dollar over time and it is just lunacy.

I was looking at this site https://www.bls.gov/data/inflation_calculator.htm which allows you to put in a value and see the corresponding inflated/deflated rate of a different year.  It is just sickening.  I think with so many working from home that the price of fuel isn't hitting everyone like it did pre-COVID.  Still, the price here is $4.44.  I have work associates in the UK and in Singapore that are currently paying much more so I am grateful that the cost hasn't reached those values.

I'm tired.  I am off to bed.  Repeat.

23 April 2022 (7 years, 4 months, 4 days after The Day)

 This morning was a lot of different chores and getting things done.  I was so tired that I took a nap at lunch and awoke around 4.  I think it is because yesterday I took my last final.  That final was a two part final.  The first part was 45 min and the second was 2.5 hours.  It was over material that I felt very good about but I felt really bad about others that were taking this final if they didn't have as much exposure as I did.  It really was a tough final.  I finished the exam with 40 seconds left and the last problem was not completed.  It is probably because I am a perfectionist when it comes to coding.  Anyway - having a break from school is nice.  My grades will probably post next week.  Next Friday my classes open for this next semester's module's classes.  I am taking two different classes for each module.  I don't know what to expect from either.  To be fair, I thought Micro Econ would be a very difficult class but I found it to be fascinating and overall I think I did ok in the class.  I hope this next module will be similar.

Emma and Spencer came down today to visit.  It is so nice visiting with them.  I also love that Hayes loves to visit.  He is saying more words and is very very active.

Madilyn is at prom this evening.  It is so sobering to see her grow up.  

So, I am wrapping things up for this evening.  Going to school, working, and juggling all the kids and their activities have put my health on the back burner.  I am starting fresh again on the health track.  One day at a time.

26 March 2022 (7 years, 3 months, 7 days after The Day)

 Today is a day that was filled with all types of emotion.  It started off with me attending a Micro Economics group meeting discussing a group assignment.  It was frustrating for a number of reasons.  The concepts are a little tough for me to understand.  We also had a tremendous amount of material in this week's lectures and I spent the majority of the time doing the calculations ensuring I understood how to do them.  This led to me feeling somewhat prepared for a quiz.  I took the quiz and failed it.  It was very humbling.  I got up from my desk feeling defeated and headed downstairs.  Samantha offered to give me a haircut so I took her up on the offer.  Afterwards I got cleaned up wanting to crawl into bed but we were waiting on some oranges to be delivered.  Jan's cousin was selling them to support her child's activities at school.  We purchased a 40lb box and it was being delivered today.  While we waited I cut me a piece of cake and sat to drown my sorrows in sugar.  Shortly after that the doorbell rang and the oranges were here.  He had a good visit and then I headed upstairs to take a nap.  I probably slept 30 min when Samantha woke me to tell me we were leaving in 10 min to go to SLC to a birthday dinner.  I quickly got ready and we were out the door leaving Ammon to hold down the fort until the older kids got back.  We met up at Samantha's sister's home and we all piled into their Tahoe and made the trip to SLC.  At the exit of the freeway (two lane exit) we all came to a screeching halt.  There was a man walking toward another car.  It appeared to be a road rage in progress.  The guy was pointing at one guy... then another car.  His actions were erratic.  Then we realized he wasn't pointing a finger... it was a gun.  We heard a gunshot.  We were 3rd in line before this guy got to our car and luckily we were able to back up and get back on the freeway.  Samantha's sister was immediately on the phone with 911.  That moment had everyone's heart racing.  The weird thing was three of the people exiting the freeway (including us) ended up at the same restaurant.  The police ended up at the restaurant to get information from everyone.  It was a very busy night.  The food and company was good.  By the time we got to Samantha's parents home both Samantha and I had missed calls from the police.  We called and ended up talking at length to some investigators.  After we both gave our statements, we ended up watching Forrest Gump on TV and then headed back home.

So - how is that for an event to remember?  

19 March 2022 (7 years, 2 months, 28 days after The Day)

 Today started off with me hearing a loud sound in the house.  I got up around 6am to discover.... nothing. I had a meeting with my group at school at 8am so I went to brush up on assignment and get things going. Everyone here has been dealing with the flu and while I am not symptomatic the irritation that Claire has because of her being sick is wearing on everyone's nerves.  I feel bad for her and don't know how to help her.  She argues about every single thing and blows the smallest things out of proportion.  I think she was just tired and hungry but it is taxing on everyone's nerves.  Samantha and I went grocery shopping and restocked on everything.  By the time grocery shopping, my class work and assignments for school, and getting the kids settled, Samantha and I found ourselves on a date.  Indian food.  It was so good.  I think I could be a blind man pointing at the menu and enjoy whatever they bring.  We really enjoyed it.  

I reflected on something today... the value of being present.  I have often tried to maximize the time I have doing many things at once.  This has led to my attention being spread across many activities and no single one has my full attention.  It has taken me a very long time to learn this lesson that there is value in being present.  Suffice it to say I am striving to turn over a new leaf and just be present.  I have been rude to others by multitasking and I am striving to start anew.

I'm so very tired tonight.  I'm calling it a night.  Until later - 

15 March 2022 (7 years, 2 months, 24 days after The Day)

 So today I learned how to patch a tire.  Specifically I used a product to insert a plug into a flat so it technically isn't a patch but suffice it to say now that I have done this I feel comfortable putting a plug into any type of flat tire that has a nail in it or something.  

After this was done I removed the brake calipers and put grease on the backs of the brake pads.  I changed the rotors and pads a while back but was out of grease so they have been squeaking like mad.  The van literally sounded like the brakes on a city bus.  I just needed to get in there and do it but I was putting it off because I didn't have a jack that was easy to operate and I didn't have an impact gun for the tires.  So after an hour I was able to hit all four tires.... no more squeaking (hopefully).  Getting up and down for all that has me so sore.

I got my first quiz and group assignment back from my micro economics class... I got a 100% on both.  I am so happy that I feel like I am learning the material and that the professor isn't attempting to fail everyone with trick questions.  I enjoy learning so this is a plus.

A neighbor of mine had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago.  It was one that most people don't survive yet he was able to.  I told him he still had something to accomplish for him to live through something like that.  Medical emergencies are so unsettling.  I'm so happy he was able to survive it and thank God for modern medicine!

I have been trying to sleep more than 6-7 hours a night.  So far that has proved difficult but it is something I am striving for.  I need to find a better balance for my school/work/life juggle.  I went to the doctor a few weeks back and he noted that lack of sleep can make everything so much worse and that sleep is the number one thing that you can do to help yourself.  For me, I need to figure out how to sleep more.

This blog entry seems to be a set of things done and not much of me talking.  Maybe I am just tired.  Until later - 

13 March 2022 (7 years, 2 months, 22 days after The Day)

 So, I completed my first class.... Business Analytics and got my final grade last week.  It took about 30 hours of study after my normal hours at work - every week for 7 weeks.  It took everything I had mentally.  In a way I felt broken.  I was able to emerge from the class with a B+ (89.455) but it extracted everything from me.  I still am disputing a grade so I suppose after the dust settles I could get an A- but suffice it to say it set the stage for how I handle all future classes.  I am now taking a micro economics and a python development class.  So far, I am doing well in both classes.  I am really enjoying the micro economics class.  This degree really is helping me to appreciate what my kids are going through in school.  COVID has made learning online more of a normal thing and this degree is no exception.  

Today a neighbor of ours invited us over for dinner tonight.  Samantha made some of her delicious baked beans.  They served some Texas BBQ that they had smoked and it was seriously delicious.  We visited for a couple of hours and it was good.  Both Samantha and I are fairly private people without a huge friend group so getting out and about was good and we all had a good time.

Two of my kids are battling colds that have lasted a few days.  They are both on the mend but we have quarantined them to their bedrooms while they have been sick.  Madilyn is just now feeling 110% better so it is good to see the kiddos getting back to feeling better.  Ammon is still battling a sore throat so we told him to gargle some salt water and head to bed.  By the way - I really dislike daylight savings.  Pick a time.  My preference would be for daylight savings time to become the normal time but I'm really ok with any time so long as it doesn't change.  Just my 2 cents.

Emma turned 20 last week.  That is so sobering.  I am having a hard time processing that.  I still recall when she was 7.  Time marches on. 

I feel like I am turning into my grandfather who slept wearing a winter beanie.  I just am so cold that a hat keeps me from feeling so frigid.  It is weird, I know.  

Well - I'm off to bed.  Until later -

01 January 2022 (7 years, 12 days after The Day)

 Happy New Year!  I am trying to type that with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.  I feel 2019 to the present day have been a blur.  Covid this and variant that.  I think everyone is ready for the pandemic to be over.  I didn't stay up to see in the new year.  I retired early; however, I awoke with the messaging from my daughter and then a pounding headache maybe an hour later that kept my sleep light and I never really did get rest.  I will attempt to make-up for the sleep I missed tonight.

Our schedule at church is changing from 8:30 to 11:00.  They are offering both online and in-person options.  I suppose that is the new normal with just about everything.  I think everyone here is happy to have it later in the day.  I am such an early bird that I joked that this new time is going to interrupt my nap time.  I have reached the age where I look forward to a nap on Sunday.  There is something about Sunday naps that makes them different in my mind than a nap on any other day.  

The fog of Christmas is passing and that is a good thing for me.  Christmas is so loaded with memories that it makes it a love/hate time of the year.  It also doesn't help that the temperature outside is 13 degrees Fahrenheit (-10.5 degrees Celsius).  Speaking of the unique measuring of the US - can we (The US) seriously switch to the metric system?  If you haven't used it and it is foreign to you, please get some exposure.  It makes so much more sense than the Imperial system.  If you think the Imperial system makes sense then try doing some calculations with it.  You will quickly see how archaic it is when compared to the metric system.  OK - I am off my soap box.

So - today I worked and got 2/3 of the way through the last module online.  After I finish it I have an exam and this thing is wrapped up.  My orientation begins on Monday evening and I have done this course, read a business case, prepared analysis, read a paper on group dynamics, and am ready to discuss all things.  The sheer volume or rate of information I am trying to process has made completion a challenge.  I have spent about 4 hours a day getting through it all.  

Someone once told me that math is just a language to describe what is going on.  I think that is true but I also realize the importance of understanding what is written so you don't misinterpret what is being asked. For me, that is the challenge.  Interpreting what has been written.

Oh well - more tomorrow.