From the birth of my fourth child until today. This gives a glimpse into my life that is filled with joy, sadness, pure happiness, and devastating grief... in other words... it is real.
I end the day watching "O Brother, Where Art Thou?". I have always enjoyed this movie. The book references make me laugh out loud and I don't think the actors they chose could have been better.
I have found myself at work juggling new concepts at work. This forces me to learn and master new things. I have always enjoyed learning. I feel I have a thirst for it. An unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I value that.
Anyway - Claire came into my office today when I was in a conference call with tears streaming down her face. She found out that Macho (Madilyn's fish) died. She was so sad. I tried to juggle the conference call and comfort her at the same time. I hate it when my kids are in pain. I'm sure every parent feels this way.
I sure miss the other kids in the house. A quiet house can be so lonely.
Today, Samantha and I dropped off Alex at the Airport. He had a 3 hour flight to Washington DC to start the 1st leg of his mission. I found this difficult. The time with Emma Jane before she married was quick. The time with Dylan before he left was a bit longer but the time with Alex gave me an him an opportunity to get to know one another. Today it was tough wishing him well and seeing him off at the airport. I hope he is able to get acclimated to the work and lose himself in it.
With Alex moved out the house is just different. Madilyn worked tonight so it was just me, Samantha, Ammon and Claire. We had dinner and it was just so very different without everyone else in the house. I suppose this will be the new normal. That phrase is irritating to me because I am not one to embrace change. I find it difficult at times to accept a new reality.
The pandemic has introduced new challenges at work. I think working from home is an adjustment for anyone. I suppose this too is the "new normal".
I baked some cookies tonight. They will go in the mail tomorrow to Dylan for his birthday. Samantha used a vacuum sealer on them and .... now they are a brick cookie. She asked if I thought that was ok. I told her I think it will taste the same.
Anyway - this new atmosphere here in the house is going to take a moment to adjust to. I suppose Samantha and I were just accustomed to loud teenagers in the house.
I just felt like I have had a ton of comments bottled up because of the pandemic and the polarization of political views that has society ripped apart. I am so tired of all the politics. I am tired of hidden agendas. I am just wanting people to stand for what is right.
The issues with police I believe need to be corrected with training... not expulsion. I am without words when Seattle hired a former pimp as a "street czar" to offer "alternatives to policing". I feel this is lunacy. I am not the only person who has been in contact with a cop who acts like a jerk. I also have family, friends, and neighbors who are police officers. I can appreciate the chaos they deal with when engaging with the public. This is no longer the local sheriff to help bring order. This is mob mentality. I feel the only place I find peace is in the scriptures.
My stepson, Alex, leaves for his mission tomorrow. It is sobering to think he is old enough to serve and yet my oldest stepson, Dylan, will be coming home off his in like 10 months. I remember when these boys were just kids. It is crazy to see them get older. My oldest daughter, Emma, is juggling college and she has a tendency to burn the candle at both ends and I worry about her ability to stay sane and juggle the work and school load she has. Madilyn's fish died today. It was a sad moment. I wish I could take pain away from my kids. I hate to see them hurt.
With the pandemic causing everyone to be at home coupled with my inability to move much because of my knee has caused me to gain a lot of the weight I worked so hard to lose. I have refocused my efforts to become more healthy even if I am bound to the house.
I decided to mow a neighbor's lawn to help them out since they had to relocate to Germany for the military. I have really enjoyed taking their lawn and turning it into something trimmed and beautiful. So - every Saturday I mow and every Saturday I get a little more exercise than I would otherwise have gotten.
Our home has a short back yard and a larger side yard. This yard doesn't have grass yet so it is prone to become overgrown with weeds. I spent an hour mowing this area... just this area. The weeds were knee high so the progress was slow. It looks much better now.
We had a forest fire on the mountain behind our home. It came about 700 meters from our home. It was enough to scare the crap out of us. We had bags packed and were ready to go. Luckily the fire department was able to control it. We didn't sleep much that night.
I am going to step away from social media for a while. I have found it makes me depressed. I find myself glued to the phone and this has got to stop. The relationships with my family are suffering because of it.
I am tired. I feel I am just pulled in so many directions and have lost myself in the parenting process. I feel I am not much to my kids these days because of it. Both Samantha and I go day after day just trying to ensure everyone is getting their stuff done and they are safe. We are both tired.
It is 10:30 at night and just writing all this down is helping me. So - until tomorrow -
I feel like much has happened since my last entry. I feel it is an injustice to vomit all my memories but I feel that is the only way I can get it all out. Here are some highlights.
I had surgery on my knee. There was a bit of physical therapy and I pushed myself through all exercises striving to go further than every requirement. If they asked for 5 reps I would do 7. I was able to get through PT in about 70 days. I still have difficulty getting to my knees but I feel more stable on my knee than I have since 2014.
Claire had a seizure. This was similar to the one she had a few months back and we went to a child neurologist. He ordered an EEG and during that procedure they were able to induce another seizure. With this new info she is on some meds to treat them. The objective is for her to be seizure free and according to the results of the EEG unfortunately these have occurred while she has slept so we don't know how many she has had. These new meds have helped but the side-effects are anger issues. We have added a vitamin supplement and that has changed her back to normal overnight. So - in a few days she will go to get an MRI so we will know more about what is causing the seizures. It is likely she will deal with this for some time so I am glad the medication is helping her.
Emma is preparing for college. That is tough for me to process.
I am a grandfather now. My eldest stepdaughter gave birth to a baby boy. This new role is an adjustment. What should I be called? I get to pick my "name". Grandpa, Paw Paw, Poppy, etc. I suppose I will answer to whatever I am called. All I know is I love this little boy. He is so precious.
Madilyn is about to be 16. I feel like she and all the kids grew up overnight and I missed so much.
I really hate the pandemic of COVID-19 coupled with the media's hype surrounding it. I feel it is being treated like "cooties" making the entire public panic and giving them the impression that catching this virus is a death sentence for everyone.
I have had some changes at work. Through some restructuring I am now working for the parent company. This has brought challenges of their own and I am working through them. I feel this pandemic has accelerated many changes in companies as they strive to improve their ability to weather this storm.
I realize that I am not a farmer or a gardener. I have planted both food and shrubbery and both seem to be dying. I am learning but it is disheartening to plant something with every hope of it flourishing only to see it wither and die. I have learned that the soil is foundation of life and it is vital that the soil is good for anything to grow, unless of course it is a weed. It can grow is the most worthless soil around with very little water and complete neglect.
I have attempted to move a boulder with Alex. I secured it with a rope and drug it with a pickup truck to the area where I needed to lift it about 5 feet to put it on top of the existing boulders. Regardless of my past abilities and even with Alex's help moving this rock proved very difficult. It still remains at the bottom of the pile of rocks where I am determining how to get some machinery to assist.
My sister, brother-in-law, her two kids, and my mom drove up to visit from Texas. It was so nice to catch up with them. It was the first time my sister has been up here and I really enjoyed our visit. I wish we lived closer.
I'm battling wasps outside. They are everywhere. I don't know where the nest is but they are everywhere.
So - that is what is off the top of my head. I will pick it up later and add to this but for now that is the update.
Happy Mother's Day! Today I have reflected on all the blessings I have in my life because of Mothers. As I reflected on all the sacrifices my mom has made, I reflected on the sacrifices most mothers make. They are the CEO of the family and ensure everything gets done. I owe so much to my mom's setting a good example for me to follow when she had every opportunity to be frustrated with the cards dealt her in life. I have reflected on her composure and perhaps her example above all is what helped guide me through handling dark times with my kids when I felt absolutely alone. I think of mom's who sacrifice professional aspirations, income, and a fair bit of sanity raising us all. It amazes me that moms can remain calm and composed during the most chaotic times. I don't know how mom's do this but it never ceases to amaze me. I think of mothers like Jan who pay the ultimate price in giving their lives for their children to be born. I think of mothers who stand in and become a mom to children they did not deliver, like Samantha. Thank you to all the moms out there who give their best. The sacrifice affects generations to come.
On a non-Mother's Day note - I tore a bunch of tendons in my left knee a few weeks ago when I stepped off a trampoline back to the ground. I go in for surgery next Friday. I'm not a fan of surgery but at the same time I cannot see living with my knee the way it currently is. Apparently when I landed it bent the wrong way (bent inside). I walk around like a serial killer or maybe a zombie in a movie. Slow and dragging a leg behind him. So - this made me reflect upon all the kung-fu movies where someone makes someone's knee bend that way and then the bad guy gets up and keeps fighting. Um... that's fake. I've never had an injury so completely sideline my life. I am thankful that the COVID-19 pandemic is granting me the time to recover at home.
Emma is struggling a bit with Mother's day. She and Madilyn went to the park for a moment. I wish I had a magic wand to take their pain away.
So my family and others from many faiths participated in a fast yesterday to pray for those affected by the COVID-19 virus as well as the world economy during this time of lockdown. Many have lost jobs and I hope those that have can get back on their feet soon. Many have lost loved ones to this virus and anytime someone loses a loved one unexpectedly you find yourself in uncharted territory. It is humbling enough to deal with that but combining that with an economy that is rough has created an environment that is difficult for many. My thoughts and prayers are with all. I hope we can emerge ok when the dust settles. This moment has made me reflect on my family, friends, and coworkers as I hope all can weather this storm.
For a family event my kids shaved off my beard. They took turns with the clippers. They had fun but it takes a few weeks for the beard to grow back. I am one week down and Samantha says I am still in the "scruff" stage. I probably need 3 weeks to get it back the way it was. Being shaved clean was a bit shocking to Samantha and Alex since this was the first time they had seen me without a beard. Even Emma Jane on FaceTime was caught off guard. There was significant shock value to the moment. Emma Jean mentioned it has been probably 7 years since I last shaved.
I think everyone is getting stir crazy from being in the house. Everyone is ready for some grand announcement about a cure for COVID-19 and an agreement between Saudi Arabia and Russia. I am happy that this moment is bringing families together. There is a silver lining.
Samantha is working today. She works at a fabric store and they are selling fabric like mad to people making masks to fight the virus. She gets off of work at 2. I'm sure we will try to do some kind of family activity when she returns.
Yesterday we went to Home Depot and a local nursery to look at plants for the front yard. I am not a plant guy so I told the person there that we were looking for plants that could fend for themselves. My only interaction is going to be with a trimmer. I think we have picked out some plants that may be up for the job. They are green and look pretty. That is where my knowledge ends. When this COVID-19 issue passes we will look at getting them. For now we are just planning for the future. While I was there I noticed they sold pepper plants. My dad was a pepper person and would eat stuff really hot. I think that is because his tastebuds just got weak with time. I say this because I feel this is happening to me. Anyway - they sell a large variety of pepper plants. I think I will pick one up and get some peppers going. I figured it would have to be something everyone would eat. They sold California Reaper pepper plants and I just laughed because nobody would eat those peppers. So - I think I will settle on something everyone would eat, like a jalapeño pepper.
Happy 2020! So I am lame at consistently journaling. There have been a few things since my last entry that have occurred that I will hopefully summarize well.
1.) I took a vacation with my family to Mexico. Samantha's late husband's mom planned a family reunion in Cancun and flew everyone there. It was a very nice opportunity and very unexpected. We decided on leaving Claire with Samantha's parents. I'm glad we did. We started early by getting passports and man was that an effort. We had to have death certificates, birth certificates, in-person validations, etc. One thing that made it easy was Costco photos. The vacation ended with us all not realizing how much we needed a vacation until after it was over. We went at the beginning of March and the weather there was just beautiful. I got the opportunity to feed some sea turtles while I was swimming in the ocean. That is a very cool experience and I recommend doing this if you ever get the opportunity. Cancun has both sandy and rocky beaches and my feet found some hard rocks which bruised up my foot to the point that I couldn't walk easily. Even today my foot has issues. I luckily brought some water shoes and used them. Sun screen is expensive there so just pack some! I would definitely go back. Everyone had a good time.
2.) We went through a significant wind storm here. Where I live is next to the mountain and there were winds about 50 mph (80.47 kph) that was really strong and a bit scary. We have one of those portable basketball hoops that holds either sand or water to keep it upright and that was pushed over so that the hoop part was facing the ground. The wind then pushed it probably 20 feet. Keep in mind this thing is fully weighted with water. It is very very heavy. Outside of this we didn't have much of any damage so I believe we were very fortunate. Two neighbors had a trees blow over and I was able to snag one for my BBQ smoker. The other was a pine. It fell onto my neighbor's home. I took my chainsaw over and with the help of a team of other neighbors get the tree off his home. Luckily damage to his home was minimal. I don't think we ever realize just how heavy a tree is. When cutting this tree it nearly took my chainsaw with it when it fell.
3.) Earthquakes. I have never lived through an earthquake so this was new for me. March 18th 2020 I was sitting in my office about 7:15 in the morning when the house started shaking. A 5.7 magnitude earthquake hit Magna, UT about 45 miles North of us. It shook enough to roll me around the office in my office chair. My home didn't sustain damages that I can tell so I feel very fortunate. It woke everyone up. There were probably 90 earthquakes that day. All of them North of us and none of them that big but there have been a lot of earthquakes up in this area. It is weird. So in my life I have experienced hurricanes, tornados, forest fires, floods, and earth quakes. I think the only thing I have not experienced is a tsunami or a mudslide.
4.) The COVID-19 pandemic is affecting us all. School migrated back home and the kids are stir crazy. Emma and Madilyn wrote a parody song about it here:
That was shared a bunch on social media and now they are writing another. It is good to see them use their creative abilities. Both Emma and Alex are still working. Their restaurants are no longer having dine-in customers so they are getting drive-through or phone-in orders only which is interesting since one of the restaurants doesn't have a drive-through. It seemed when this all started everyone just heard about it from the news. As the virus spreads it seems more people are being affected closer to home and even affecting those we know and care about. With the impact the virus has and is having on the economy coupled with the Russia/Saudi price war on oil I worry this perfect storm could send the US economy into a depression. I hope as a country the US can weather this storm and bounce back.
5.) The COVID-19 virus and oil drop has directly affected not only my job but jobs of family members. Being from Texas many don't get just how massive oil and gas is for the state and the US overall. Texas GDP is 1.6 trillion and could be compared to Russia's GDP that is 1.7 trillion. Texas oil is big. I think in the US everything is big and GDP in 2019 represents about 21.44 trillion total so Texas is roughly 7% of the US economy but keep in mind that 1/3 of the known US oil supply is in Texas so there are naturally tons of companies that employ those that live there. These are the big companies - Exxon, ConocoPhillips, Valero, etc. These oil and gas companies employ millions of people. The impact to the US economy is being felt... yes... but to the Texas economy this is huge. Companies that have been cash-rich are now having to determine how best to scale back their company to meet demand and NOT lose the talent they have built over the years. Introducing terms like pay-cuts, furloughs, reductions, and reorganization are very common these days as the companies make necessary changes to stay afloat. Oil and gas is an old business. Most of the leaders have tremendous expertise in oil and gas and it is not uncommon to hear "This is the way we have done things for the last 50 years". This generally has resulted in slow changes to their processes and product offerings. Since COVID-19 I have seen these same companies begin to branch out to use their technologies in different markets. It is uncharted territory for them but if they can adjust to the changing market conditions I think we will see an entirely new form of revenue for some of the companies historically associated with oil and gas. To summarize Plato - Necessity is the mother of invention. It is exciting times.
6.) BBQ. Samantha got me a boning knife to assist in getting pork trimmed from the bone. She and I used it yesterday to make some sausage. I smoked a brisket and some pork shoulders yesterday for pulled pork and today I did sausage and am in the process of making ribs. I love BBQ.
There is more I am not sharing... I'm sure but I will write more later now that I am focused again on this blog.
