14 Aug 2015 (237 days after The Day)

Today I had the opportunity of cleaning the temple.  Where I go to church we have buildings called temples where sacred ordinances are performed.  One of the ordinances performed in temples is marriage where the couples are married for time and all eternity.  Anyway - I haven't been to the temple in some time and was tasked with vacuuming.  These buildings are big.  I spent a few hours vacuuming and then a friend of mine gave me a tour of this specific temple.  The entire time I was there I felt so much peace.  It was really nice.  I was taken to the sealing room where marriages are done and just wept.  You see - in these rooms they are white, with a few white chairs and have mirrors that give the impression of eternity as they face each other.  If you stand in front of the mirror with your spouse you can see your reflection carried off forever as a symbol of your marriage.  So - when I walked through there... I just was taken back to the day Jan and I married- I was filled with grief and happiness at the same time.  I was missing Jan tremendously and felt comforted by the eternities represented in the room.  I never thought I would feel that way there after feeling just so much peace.  It was a tender moment for sure.

13 Aug 2015 (236 days after The Day)

So - I juggled getting the kids to multiple events today.  Emma had a party while Madilyn had soccer practice.  My mom saved the day by helping both events work by getting Madilyn to soccer while I took the kids to the pool.  Oh.. and my knee is popping out of place.  That is a little unsettling but oh well.  It isn't nearly as painful as it initially was.  Physical therapy starts in a week.
  

 

12 Aug 2015 (235 days after The Day)

So - A few weeks ago I hurt my knee and made an appointment to see a specialist.  Today I went and was told I have a torn meniscus.  I got a steroid injection and then I was scheduled to start physical therapy.  If that doesn't work I will go in for surgery.  Yay!

I am constantly amazed at the little things I feel have been influenced by Jan.  I suppose it is like when you buy a car and then notice everyone driving that car.  So it is with me.  I just notice things that seem to have a "Jan" influence.  I smile and it makes me feel loved.

11 Aug 2015 (234 days after The Day)

Well - today marked a milestone for me.  Today was my birthday and I celebrated it with my mom and my kids.  It was a good day.  I miss Jan but it was a good day.

In an odd turn of events I see changes in my life that seem to be driven by what I would call Jan watching out for me.  My love for her grows daily.

10 Aug 2015 (233 days after The Day)

Today was absolutely filled with meetings.  I only sat at my desk for a short moment.  It is good to have these meetings but sometimes I enjoy just working.

Madilyn's birthday was today... that was a big day for her.  First birthday since Jan's passing.  It was good... I took her and some of her friends to the neighborhood pool.  They had a good time.  Celebrations like this have everyone missing Jan.

09 Aug 2015 (232 days after The Day)

So today was a day we all went to church.  It was normal.  The routine of the day seems to help make it possible to forget for a moment.  I find myself wishing I had a moment to just talk to Jan like I did when she was here... just sit down and discuss the kids... what is going on with everyone and what we need to do to move forward.  I miss that.

08 Aug 2015 (231 days after The Day)

With Claire's lack of sleeping - I woke up at 9:30 and went shopping for Madilyn's birthday gifts.  That proved difficult with all the back to school sales that were going on at the store.  After about 2 hours I returned home with something I feel will be ok.  I just don't want to screw up a birthday.  Jan was all about the celebrations and I just wasn't.  I'm just trying not to screw anything up too bad.