29 September 2020 (5 years, 9 months, 10 days after The Day)

 I end the day watching "O Brother, Where Art Thou?".  I have always enjoyed this movie.  The book references make me laugh out loud and I don't think the actors they chose could have been better.  

I have found myself at work juggling new concepts at work.  This forces me to learn and master new things.  I have always enjoyed learning.  I feel I have a thirst for it.  An unquenchable thirst for knowledge.  I value that.  

Anyway - Claire came into my office today when I was in a conference call with tears streaming down her face.  She found out that Macho (Madilyn's fish) died.  She was so sad.  I tried to juggle the conference call and comfort her at the same time.  I hate it when my kids are in pain.  I'm sure every parent feels this way.

I sure miss the other kids in the house.  A quiet house can be so lonely.

28 September 2020 (5 years, 9 months, 9 days after The Day)

 Today, Samantha and I dropped off Alex at the Airport.  He had a 3 hour flight to Washington DC to start the 1st leg of his mission.  I found this difficult.  The time with Emma Jane before she married was quick. The time with Dylan before he left was a bit longer but the time with Alex gave me an him an opportunity to get to know one another.  Today it was tough wishing him well and seeing him off at the airport.  I hope he is able to get acclimated to the work and lose himself in it.  

With Alex moved out the house is just different.  Madilyn worked tonight so it was just me, Samantha, Ammon and Claire.  We had dinner and it was just so very different without everyone else in the house.  I suppose this will be the new normal.  That phrase is irritating to me because I am not one to embrace change.  I find it difficult at times to accept a new reality.  

The pandemic has introduced new challenges at work.  I think working from home is an adjustment for anyone.   I suppose this too is the "new normal".  

I baked some cookies tonight.  They will go in the mail tomorrow to Dylan for his birthday.  Samantha used a vacuum sealer on them and .... now they are a brick cookie.  She asked if I thought that was ok.  I told her I think it will taste the same.

Anyway - this new atmosphere here in the house is going to take a moment to adjust to.  I suppose Samantha and I were just accustomed to loud teenagers in the house.  

Until later - 

27 September 2020 (5 years, 9 months, 8 days after The Day)

 I just felt like I have had a ton of comments bottled up because of the pandemic and the polarization of political views that has society ripped apart.  I am so tired of all the politics.  I am tired of hidden agendas.  I am just wanting people to stand for what is right.

The issues with police I believe need to be corrected with training... not expulsion.  I am without words when Seattle hired a former pimp as a "street czar" to offer "alternatives to policing".  I feel this is lunacy.  I am not the only person who has been in contact with a cop who acts like a jerk.  I also have family, friends, and neighbors who are police officers.  I can appreciate the chaos they deal with when engaging with the public.  This is no longer the local sheriff to help bring order.  This is mob mentality.  I feel the only place I find peace is in the scriptures.  

My stepson, Alex, leaves for his mission tomorrow.  It is sobering to think he is old enough to serve and yet my oldest stepson, Dylan, will be coming home off his in like 10 months.  I remember when these boys were just kids.  It is crazy to see them get older.  My oldest daughter, Emma, is juggling college and she has a tendency to burn the candle at both ends and I worry about her ability to stay sane and juggle the work and school load she has.  Madilyn's fish died today.  It was a sad moment.  I wish I could take pain away from my kids.  I hate to see them hurt.

With the pandemic causing everyone to be at home coupled with my inability to move much because of my knee has caused me to gain a lot of the weight I worked so hard to lose.  I have refocused my efforts to become more healthy even if I am bound to the house.

I decided to mow a neighbor's lawn to help them out since they had to relocate to Germany for the military.  I have really enjoyed taking their lawn and turning it into something trimmed and beautiful.  So - every Saturday I mow and every Saturday I get a little more exercise than I would otherwise have gotten.  

Our home has a short back yard and a larger side yard.  This yard doesn't have grass yet so it is prone to become overgrown with weeds.  I spent an hour mowing this area... just this area.  The weeds were knee high so the progress was slow.  It looks much better now.

We had a forest fire on the mountain behind our home.  It came about 700 meters from our home.  It was enough to scare the crap out of us.  We had bags packed and were ready to go.  Luckily the fire department was able to control it.  We didn't sleep much that night.

I am going to step away from social media for a while.  I have found it makes me depressed.  I find myself glued to the phone and this has got to stop.  The relationships with my family are suffering because of it.

I am tired.  I feel I am just pulled in so many directions and have lost myself in the parenting process.  I feel I am not much to my kids these days because of it.  Both Samantha and I go day after day just trying to ensure everyone is getting their stuff done and they are safe.  We are both tired.

It is 10:30 at night and just writing all this down is helping me.  So - until tomorrow -