Yesterday started as a normal day. I went to work and felt I was very effective. That is such a good feeling for me. Like, if there is something that "fills my bucket" it is feeling that I am getting things done. I was able to go on a walk yesterday and that too was good. The entire day was going well.
Claire is determined to learn math. I truly believe in the quote that students teach themselves and teachers inspire. This concept I learned when Jan and I embraced the Thomas Jefferson Education method of teaching with our kids. At least, in my own life, when I have been exposed to something, my desire to learn has been furthered by someone who has inspired me. That inspiration has driven me to want to learn independently of them teaching me. That internal fire has ignited the fire necessary to overcome the obstacles that come with learning. With Claire, she has an internal fire lit on math. I am striving to adapt math to something that she can do. Working with things that are base 10 seems to work for her whether an abacus or her fingers - leveraging 10 counting things seems to really help her grasp the concept of getting the answer. So - over the last couple of days, she has been able to master addition and subtraction using this base 10 guide for attacking problems. She is getting roughly 99% of the problems correct. She was intimidated by multiplication and division but when I showed her skip counting (which she knows a bit of) she was fascinated to realize she already knows how to multiply and divide. She just needs some practice. Every evening and morning this week has been met with her asking to do math. That is the inspiration that I love to see in anyone that has an internal fire lit. They want to learn on their own regardless of the teacher.
Samantha and I started watching a show on TV where the first episode dealt with the main actor's wife being murdered and another person on the show who had a kid being murdered. I believe the second one triggered me beyond anything. I was just angry. I was fueled with such anger. I wanted to reach through the TV and communicate with the lady that was putting her life in danger who later died because of her actions. She was so foolish. She was so careless. She was such a good mother and yet, now she was dead. Hindsight is 20/20 so I remind myself that when you look in the past you have depression, in the future is anxiety, but the present is peace. I think on this and it gives me calm and composure.
It is amazing how we have the ability to live vicariously through others in movies, books, and other media. We have the ability to experience love, loss, happiness, triumph, sadness, pain, anger, elation, betrayal and grief all as if we experienced it first-hand all by allowing ourselves to become vulnerable to the content. It is so real that we would swear that we experienced it right along with the main character.
It is why, I believe, we should be careful what we allow ourselves to be exposed to. Is it surprising to see some content numb the soul where other content enriches it? From a data perspective there are trends that become visual over time. Like temperature in a pot over a stove, a gradual increase is hard to tell. Is it abnormal for a med student to shadow a doctor in the ER and vomit because of the gore they are exposed to? Is it abnormal for a doctor who has worked in the ER for years to vomit because of the gore? This exposure is what I speak of. I can see the trend on TV and movies over time where the public is getting exposed so slowly that we don't recognize it.
Perhaps I need to revisit what I am watching. I suppose we all need a reassessment as we are all going somewhere and if we don't want to randomly end up somewhere we may want to adjust course. Life should be deliberate, right? Life should be filled with choices that you stand by and say, I made this choice! I look around and think, you could have a movie playing in a theater and I bet 90% or more of those watching the movie would be just as happy to doom scroll on their phone. What a pointless waste of a life. I have pondered why doom scrolling is so common. I think it is like drinking or drugs. It just allows the participant to detach from reality.
This entry has been a ramble for sure. Until next time -
