04 September 2025 (10 years, 8 months, 15 days after The Day)

 Yesterday started as a normal day.  I went to work and felt I was very effective.  That is such a good feeling for me.  Like, if there is something that "fills my bucket" it is feeling that I am getting things done. I was able to go on a walk yesterday and that too was good.  The entire day was going well.  

Claire is determined to learn math.  I truly believe in the quote that students teach themselves and teachers inspire.  This concept I learned when Jan and I embraced the Thomas Jefferson Education method of teaching with our kids.  At least, in my own life, when I have been exposed to something, my desire to learn has been furthered by someone who has inspired me.  That inspiration has driven me to want to learn independently of them teaching me.  That internal fire has ignited the fire necessary to overcome the obstacles that come with learning.  With Claire, she has an internal fire lit on math.  I am striving to adapt math to something that she can do.  Working with things that are base 10 seems to work for her whether an abacus or her fingers - leveraging 10 counting things seems to really help her grasp the concept of getting the answer.  So - over the last couple of days, she has been able to master addition and subtraction using this base 10 guide for attacking problems.  She is getting roughly 99% of the problems correct.  She was intimidated by multiplication and division but when I showed her skip counting (which she knows a bit of) she was fascinated to realize she already knows how to multiply and divide.  She just needs some practice. Every evening and morning this week has been met with her asking to do math.  That is the inspiration that I love to see in anyone that has an internal fire lit.  They want to learn on their own regardless of the teacher.

Samantha and I started watching a show on TV where the first episode dealt with the main actor's wife being murdered and another person on the show who had a kid being murdered.  I believe the second one triggered me beyond anything.  I was just angry.  I was fueled with such anger.  I wanted to reach through the TV and communicate with the lady that was putting her life in danger who later died because of her actions.  She was so foolish.  She was so careless.  She was such a good mother and yet, now she was dead.  Hindsight is 20/20 so I remind myself that when you look in the past you have depression, in the future is anxiety, but the present is peace.  I think on this and it gives me calm and composure.  

It is amazing how we have the ability to live vicariously through others in movies, books, and other media.  We have the ability to experience love, loss, happiness, triumph, sadness, pain, anger, elation, betrayal and grief all as if we experienced it first-hand all by allowing ourselves to become vulnerable to the content.  It is so real that we would swear that we experienced it right along with the main character.  

It is why, I believe, we should be careful what we allow ourselves to be exposed to.  Is it surprising to see some content numb the soul where other content enriches it? From a data perspective there are trends that become visual over time.  Like temperature in a pot over a stove, a gradual increase is hard to tell.  Is it abnormal for a med student to shadow a doctor in the ER and vomit because of the gore they are exposed to?  Is it abnormal for a doctor who has worked in the ER for years to vomit because of the gore?  This exposure is what I speak of.  I can see the trend on TV and movies over time where the public is getting exposed so slowly that we don't recognize it.  

Perhaps I need to revisit what I am watching.  I suppose we all need a reassessment as we are all going somewhere and if we don't want to randomly end up somewhere we may want to adjust course.  Life should be deliberate, right?  Life should be filled with choices that you stand by and say, I made this choice!  I look around and think, you could have a movie playing in a theater and I bet 90% or more of those watching the movie would be just as happy to doom scroll on their phone.  What a pointless waste of a life.  I have pondered why doom scrolling is so common.  I think it is like drinking or drugs.  It just allows the participant to detach from reality.  

This entry has been a ramble for sure.  Until next time - 

31 August 2025 (10 years, 8 months, 11 days after The Day)

 So - at last I make an entry.  Let's all get up to date.  In May, I accepted a job offer to lead IT at a steel manufacturing company.  The job search was so difficult on me mentally and I was glad to have it come to an end.  It isn't local to me so I end up having to do a bit of hybrid work which is fine.  My kids are growing up and they are all going different directions.  It is expected but sad when they move out.  I had an executive management trip to take last week and Madilyn ended up moving out.  It was sad to see her go.  On that trip I was introduced to playing golf.  So - I learned a couple of things.  Baseball doesn't have any competitive advantage in golf.  So, regardless of my ability to hit the ball with a bat, it had no translation to helping me with a club.  I also learned that golf clubs are very short to me.  I ended up playing 2-18 hole games and 1-9 hole game.  By the time I played the 9 hole game I realized how to play.  I was more focused on hitting with accuracy than with power.  I also lucked out on that game to get clubs that were long so I genuinely enjoyed the game more.

When I arrived home my feet were killing me.  I realize how much golf plays into business as it helped build relationships of trust amongst the executives AND we were able to tackle some business problems along the way.  I started out not knowing these people and ended the trip feeling like I was part of the company.  My son called me as my plane had landed asking if we could start mowing early so he could catch some of the football games.  One of our lawn clients had a tree taken out and the stump grinded down.  They wanted the wood chips hauled off to the dump.  After loading and dumping the weigh station had the truck with 1000 lbs. of wood chips.  THEN we had two lawns to mow.  After the lawns I spent the rest of the day catching up with a weeks worth of work I wasn't able to do. 

 Ammon, Claire, and I then met Samantha at work as her shift ended and we went to Chili's for dinner.  It was a nice evening out.  I honestly don't recall the last time we took Ammon and Claire out.  When we got home, I was so tired from the day that I couldn't really stay awake.  I excused myself and went to bed.  Today was a busy day with church.  I filled in doing the video/YouTube presentation as the normal guy assigned was ill.  It took me a minute to remember how to work all the controls.

When I got home I ate a bowl of cereal, changed into something comfy, and then Madilyn came home with her dog, Athena.  Athena was so excited to see me which made me smile.  She was just all smiles and wagging her tail so hard it was hitting her face.  She is snuggling on her huge dog bed while Madilyn is snoozing on the couch.  I am glad I have tomorrow off from work as I need a moment to recoup from the travel.

So - now that I am working again, it is a lot of the same schedule.  I have realized how much I put work into my worth as I struggled with seeing my worth until I was employed.  I think this is probably fairly common with men.  I think of how different men and women are when it comes to stresses of life - not that one is more/less than the other or that one is better/worse than the other.  Just that we are so different.  I think back to the way Jan handled stressful times.  I think to how Samantha handles stressful times.  I think on how I handle stressful times.  I think we all process stress differently.  I am reminded of when Jan and I got married.  Someone asked Jan what she was thinking the day before - she said "I can't believe I'm going to be married - I am so excited".  When I was asked I said something similar but I was thinking I am now going to officially be responsible for two people (Jan and myself).  That level of stress motivated me to be my best.  I think often stress can paralyze you as well - especially when you feel you have no resources.  Maybe there is a kernel of truth in the words of Dory from the movie "Finding Nemo" "Just keep swimming"

Until next time -

02 March 2025 (10 years, 2 months, 10 days after The Day)

 Greetings everybody.  I have been pondering many events that have transpired in my life of late.  I realize that we see, learn, and understand things in a given way and internalize them forever that way.  Here is a definition for you.

A paradigm is a framework, model, or set of assumptions that define how something is understood, approached, or conducted within a particular field or context. It shapes thinking, behaviors, and methodologies.

For a visual, 

  

Another is hearing a passing siren from an emergency vehicle.  We hear it approach at one pitch, sound normal, then in the distance as it moves away has a different pitch.  If the question is "what is the sound of the siren" then the answer is actually all of them.  Just because it sounds "normal" when it is up close doesn't mean it is wrong when it is far away leaving or far away approaching.  This reality has helped me over the years not to cast judgement too quickly on a situation. 

Now, before you all run away with the thought of math, hear me out.  Let's talk about Walmart people.  You know what I am talking about.  You walk in that store and you think to yourself when you see people, "That's different." or maybe you don't think it.  Maybe you say it.  Let's look at a distribution of data below.  Let's call this "Walmart shoppers and their choices of clothing"  The blue section represents the vast majority of people like you and me that know how to dress themselves.  The green section starts to leave "normal" and enter the area of "you may not want to wear that in public".  The yellow section may represent the rare but entertaining experience of the outlier in the store where you wonder how they arrived there and if there is a timer running on when police will be called or if police know them by name already.

My wife says she is going to get me a shirt that says "That's different" because of how many times I notice things in the green or yellow areas.  Suffice it to say I think we are all judgmental.  I bring this up because we may be too quick to cast judgement not knowing the person themselves.  For example, I struggle with color and think to myself maybe there are times I am too lazy to ask someone how I look before I head out the door to Walmart. Maybe I am normally dressing in the green area and don't know it.  People may look at me surprised that I tied my shoes correctly.

When I graduated from Purdue, we saw people on campus wandering around that looked very disheveled.  I told my wife they were either homeless or Ph.D. students (think yellow on the scale of education).  I think that is a good example of how my brain works.  I easily jump to casting judgement before telling myself to stop and consider all elements. So, here I am reviewing all the various judgements that have been made by me over the last few months.  I think to myself are they in the green or are they blue am I in the yellow?  This has helped me review my actions towards others.

Family life events have continued to make things a challenge.... stretching myself beyond my comfort zone.  One thing is true - my comfort zone has expanded these last few months.  For all the men out there, we tend to place so much value on our career.  It is like a thing that defines us.  For me I have come to realize I am more than a job, at least, that is what my family has told me and what my Father in Heaven is teaching me.  It is a hard lesson for me to relearn.  I have been taught from my youth that your core should be focused on God, then your family, then your career.  

I suppose when you work long enough trying to be your best at a career you begin to reprioritize things.  For me, God has always been a core part of me but has taken a back seat to many of my life pursuits.  My Heavenly Father has been patient with me on this.  From time to time I have had trials that question my spiritual strength.  It is is an eye opener when you once were so spiritually strong only to return having spent so much focus elsewhere to be weak.  It reminds me of the scripture in Mark 9:24 "And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief".  So, it is now that I return to the spiritual gym with my Heavenly Father who patiently helps me.  I am relearning that each of us is a cherished son/daughter of our Heavenly Father.  Even those in the yellow and even me.