I have neglected this blog. I think it is for a myriad of reasons. The primary one is I am having a difficult time with my past. I have a life I lived. I had a wife, children, a home, and all the things that would constitute normalcy yet it is a memory. My children have grown up. I looked at my youngest son and now he is 6'1" and doesn't resemble the tiny 6 year old that endured such horrific times. My eldest daughter is so grown up and my middle daughter is now living in Houston and working as an EMT. Claire is 9. None of these little kids resemble the kids that went through everything back then so it is hard for me to reflect on this past life.
This last Christmas was ok. It was hard for Samantha and me. We spent some time at an Airbnb but the host was a bully. It turned what would have been a nice Christmas moment with the family into a moment where Samantha and I were just ready to leave. I took about 2 gb of pictures and videos of their house before and after. That should explain how much of a bully this host was.
We celebrated Claire's birthday before the trip and upon our return it was back to normal. It was nice to have a break from work and get a chance to relax with the family. I got a chance to spend some time with Madilyn before she moved. That was very hard for me.
I still am working as a student ambassador for Purdue which means I help students and participate in various ways. Recently I participated with students interviewing me. I had three students assigned to me. So far two have conducted their interviews. I'm still waiting on the 3rd. I enjoy helping the students. They are just starting out in their undergraduate programs.
I'm working with some significant time-sensitive projects at work which are adding some stress to everyone there. Like any project it is one thing at a time so today seemed to be helping everyone understand and focus on scope and prevent it from expanding.
I am also striving to help build some machine learning for the company. I feel it has a huge benefit if I can get some data I can leverage. That is the trick with machine learning. It has to train leaning from past information so any solution you think up can only be viable if you have data it can learn from.
I strive to live by the golden rule by treating others as I would like to be treated. I strive to be extremely fair and often thinking for long periods to ensure I do indeed act in a manner that is fair. I have one exception to this. That is myself when thinking of the past. When I look in the past, I feel I am the harshest task master. I think of what I would say or do to myself if I could go back in time and talk to myself. I wonder if I am alone in that feeling. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20 but for me that is no excuse. It sounds silly. In my mind I analyze things so much that EVERY play is evaluated so in a way the fact that something played out different than what I anticipated doesn't mean I didn't think this reality could happen. It is for this reason I feel I am so harsh with myself. It is like playing the odds in poker only with what will transpire in life. I have a difficult time forgiving myself. I suppose we all do at times.
It is something I am working on.
So - I am looking forward to the snow melting and the coming of warmer weather. It will be well received!
Until later -
