Today was more juggling work while I was on vacation. I know this is sometimes inevitable; however, I feel like my vacation comes when everyone is on vacation. We were able to finish all the wrapping of presents. We also braved the stores and finished picking up a few more things for Christmas activities. I am trying to get into the holiday spirits. It is a struggle.
Thursday, December 22, 2022
Wednesday, December 21, 2022
21 December 2022 (8 years, 1 day after The Day)
I always have had a bitter-sweet moment of the year during Christmas. Everything is fresh in my mind. The nightmare unfolds over and over and over again. I was having a very frank talk with Samantha today about the whole memory and one of the things she mentioned was while it ruined Christmas for me it shouldn't ruin Christmas for others in the house. I agree. It shouldn't. It is my own baggage. I took a moment yesterday and wept. Suffice it to say that I don't do that much but I was able to just let go of my feelings for a moment and feel sad. It was good and sad at the same time. I don't dream much or perhaps I just don't recall my dreams. I have had maybe 3 dreams with Jan in them that I recall and none of them provided any closure for me. I suppose sudden and unexpected death is like that... things are left unresolved. It reminds me of the mental image I have of her purse sitting on a bar stool where she last left it and me realizing that purse would never be moved by her again. Well - the 20th has come and gone.
On a positive note, Claire celebrated her 8th Birthday. She is such a sweet little girl and I am so thankful to have her in my life. She had a birthday party with a few of her friends on Monday then a happy birthday moment yesterday with some cake and ice cream.
I finished up my semester and have a break. A month-long break. It is so needed. I was at the point of breaking mentally. I ended the semester getting a B in the class that was so difficult for me. It was an awesome class but so difficult. I only have three more classes. I am looking forward to being done. I have explored DBA, Ph.D., Ed.D, and D.Tech degrees to further my education. I really do enjoy learning new concepts as long as they have a practical side to them. I don't know if I could do another 5-7 years of schooling. I think that would be a challenge. I would be interested in just getting the curriculum for the classes and doing them on my own. I think that would be fun.
We cleaned the house today. It was good to get some things checked off the list. Getting the house cleaned, presents wrapped, and some important errands completed was good to get done. Speaking of lists, Samantha was talking about "brain types" and that got me thinking about the Myers-Briggs 16 personalities and brain differences between the personalities. That type of stuff fascinates me. I honestly think if I wasn't grossed out by blood and guts I would have studied neurology. Anyway - I came across a site that studied the various personalities in Myers-Briggs against brain activity. The fascinating thing was understanding what parts of the brain are active when certain things happen vs. when other things happen. This explains why some people are good at remembering names, faces, shape associations, etc, why some people can be extremely blunt in both giving and receiving criticism, and why some have a natural ability to sniff out when someone is withholding information. Each of these is tied to your personality and the corresponding brain activity. So, this "personality test" is more than how someone is when interacting with others. It tells a lot about how a person's brain works. Fun stuff. At least, I find it very fascinating. For my personality fixing issues or completing things on a list bring a feeling of accomplishment... a bit of "happy" to my day, so to speak. So, circling back, getting things checked off the list today was good (for me).. :-)
Well - more tomorrow
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