Well - two years has passed since that hellacious time in my life. I learned much about myself, my children, my family, my friends, and my work. I learned the most about God. I learned that God allows us to live through horrific times so that we can love deeper and help others more. For those that have to live through awful times I think you can appreciate this. During this healing process, it was very tempting to emerge bitter and angry. I was angry at Jan for leaving. One thing is for sure... this event helped to strip me of pride. I think I appreciate life more now than I ever have before. I think back on all that has transpired and realize that I still really miss and love Jan. I also realize that moving out of state has helped me "move on" in a way. I suppose this pain will always be there for those that I love that pass on. Samantha and I have an agreement with each other. Since we are both widow/widowers ... our agreement... "You are not allowed to die". I have grown to appreciate the love that spouses can give to each other in times of trial and sorrow. I don't think I can adequately say how much I love and appreciate Samantha. She really has provided stability for me in times that tough.
Today I celebrate Claire's birthday. I also celebrate Jan's birthday. We had Jan's favorite cake... (yellow cake with chocolate frosting) only this one had a #2 candle on it. It is a tough day for me. I don't like to think about all the hell that transpired two years ago but I am thankful for a sweet daughter that loves me even during my darkest of hours. I'm thankful for children, spouse, and family. Love really does heal.
